Expert: Peggy - 1/22/2002

Question
I would be going out with my girlfriend for one year officially today on jan 21st(we've been seeing eachother a few months prior, so its really over a year.)  I'm 19 and she is 17, almost 18.  she is a senior in HS and I just started college locally.  She is the greatest person I've ever met and for the most part aside from a few minor dissagreements, we are like peas and carrots.  About three months ago I was kicked out of my dads house.  Right before i was kicked out a girl stayed over at my house who was friends with one of my brothers.  They were gone and we had a light conversation"where do you go to school"  I didnt like her at all she wasnt my type and I'm completely in love with my girlfriend.  I dont know what happened and I had no real rational for what happened but we ended up just hooking up and basically I messed with her and "stuck it in" for a second...we werent complely naked and I didnt kiss her on the mouth at all...I couldn't.  I dont know why I did it other than I got extremely horny and the thrill of doing something really bad.  the second it was over I felt like killing myself almost literally(but I know I would never even attempt something like that)And couldn't believe what I had just done.  I put my clothes back on and basically blew her off but it didnt seem to bother her at all she was basically a slut and she didnt look all that good either....not even close to my girlfriend,who is beautiful by anyone's standards. I dont even remember her name and havent seen her since and dont ever want to. And since then our relationship has gone down-hill.  I've been hiding this from her and it's been eating me up inside like termites on an old house...and recently she has felt "left" and alone and she is in a way right because I havent been able to open myself and show her my feelings with this burning inside of me but I just havent been able to work up the nerve to tell her because I dont want to it break her in two.  well it got to the point just the other night that our relationship was just going down the tubes...we dont "fight" by most peoples standards...but we give eachother the silent treatments and stuff like that when we're upset.  So I told her the truth just two nights ago and I hated hearing her cry and seeing her face and it was all my fault i DID THAT to her.  I caused that pain she was feeling, and I couldn't change it.  It was the truth.  But if I didnt tell her the truth I would definately lose her for sure.  I feel like there may be one speck of hope and I'll never stop thinking that no matter what.  I will let go if I have to but I'll never give up faith.  tonight she said she was calling this guy she has "as back-up"...this is the first time i've ever heard her say anything like that...she doesnt even call guys at all.  This hit me like a wave of pain like I've never felt before.  I completely broke-down and cried.  I dont know what to do from here...there's nothing I can do to fix what I've done.  Please share your opinion with me I am a mess.

Answer
Hi Kenny,
I didn't understand, did you tell her you slept with the other girl?  If not, I advise you not too.  
It is never good to tell something to someone that is going to tear them apart. People usually confess to ease their own guilt, not to help the other person.
If you really love her, don't break her heart by telling her.  Just do whatever you can in the future to prove to her that you love her.  You two need to learn to talk to each other. The silent treatment only builds walls between people. You need to say what bothers you about the other person.  You don't have to fight, you can actually just talk and get things out in the open..She may or may not have
a back up guy, but she may just be telling you that to hurt you as much as she has been hurt..You are both young, if you feel that either of you wants to see other people, you should agree to do it.. Once she starts college, she may be tempted too.  You need to be honest with each other and discuss these possibilities.  It doesn't mean that you will never get together again.

Good Luck
Peggy