Expert: Don - 10/10/2007

Question
I have been with my partner for 15 years, 10 years ago I cheated on him, he had his doubts, but I just kept lying about it because I didn't want to hurt him.  For the last 10 years i have had no urge to do it again, and I guess i fell more in love with him since if that is possible.  We now have 3 children and am waiting a dna test for our first born as I fell pregnant around the time of cheating.  I HATE myself for this so much.  He wants to know why I did it, but I cant give him an answer as I pushed all this to the back of my head.  He is really really hurting now annd I hate seeing him like this.  Ive told him to speak to someone but he wont. Sometimes I feel that suicide is such an easy option at the moment and so does he, but of course we have children and thats never going to happen. I love him so much and can't stand the fact of what I have done to him.  He loves me still but the tension 24 hours a day is really straining us both.  Is there any way I can fix it.  I have told him I will leave and let him have some time to grieve I guess but then he says when I come back I will find him hanging from the tree out the back.  I am in desperate need of help. Please!

Answer
There is no quick fix answer to a situation like this, the only thing you can really do is take time to prove to him that you made a mistake and you regret it fully. Just continue to show him that you do love him and that he is the only person you want to be with. Let him know that you still want him in your life and that life could never be the same if the two of you are apart.

Just stand strong beside him and make sure he knows that your love for him is strong and you would hate for what you did to ruin what the two of you share.

Then just let some time go by and hopefully he'll get over it.