Expert: Sara - 5/21/2005

Question
hey there, i am in iraq, and i called my fiance the other day and she fessed up to cheating on me the night before.  i have a strong conection to her and she told me that she was waaay drunker than she normally gets.  she said that she didnt have sex with him and all they did was make out.  i believed her because she told me and i didnt have to ask her.  when i questioned her about the details, she told me every thing i wanted to know. she eveny brought the guy home to our appartment. she then went on to tell me that she told him to leave the next morning after she had reallized what had transpired. i feel she isnt lying to me cause she came right out with it.  we have been dating for almost a year now.  before i deployed to iraq we were almost like we were married.  she swears up and down the she would not have done it if she was a little less drunk.   i feel betrayed and at the same time i feel like i might be in denyal for giving her a second chance.  she swears up and down that she cant live with out me.  i also feel that i dont want to lose her. i trust her but i want to know if im wrong please help me feel better about this.  help me see the truth.  

Answer
Hello Jeremy. The hardest thing about what I do is trying to see each person's point of view and give the best advice I possibly can. I've thought about your problem and the best thing I feel that I can tell you is to try to work through your problems. I can totally see boths sides to this and that's what is making it hard for me to decide. I can understand how hurt you must be and how betrayed but I can also understand how she must be lonely and also hurt because she's hurt the one she loves. I think that by telling you she's done the right thing and you must find it in your heart to try and forgive her, providing she swears to never get that drunk again and do something she'll regret. She needs to learn her limits when it comes to drinking. So I think that trying is the best bet and if it doesn't work from there - then you can consider leaving her. Good luck Jeremy and please be safe in Iraq
Sara.