Expert: Sam E - 12/21/2006

Question
I tried to avoid this married man but he has been pursuing me for nearly 2 1/2 years. The attraction between us is intense. We have done the makeout thing but no sex, but we both want to. He says he is only staying in his marriage because he has a 6 yr old daughter and does not want to lose his home.He said that he doesn't want another man putting his daughter to bed. My feelings for this man have grown. He was married once before and lost the house and the wife ran off with someone else and was hurt. He said back in March that his wife had been to an attorney for a divorce.I don't pry in his life.I see him about once a month and don't know if he is just trying to get in my pants. I really don't know what to think or do at this point. Any suggestions will be appreciated.  

Answer
I think you know what is really going on. If he was any type of a man he would do right by his wife, his child and you. He made a commitment to her and regardless of what has happened between them he still owes her some respect. He should be man enough to either leave his marriage so he can be with you or he can try and work it out with her. If he was really concerned about his daughter than he wouldn’t be so disrespectful and hurtful to his wife. An affair hurts the children just as much as the other partner. When it is found out he is cheating not only will a divorce rock his daughters world but so will the pain she will have to see on her mommy’s face and the fights and cries she will have to hear. Care for his daughter? No. Cares for himself.
If his last wife cheated on him than he should know the massive pain that brings. So why on earth would he do that to his wife? What kind of person is that?
He is looking to have his cake and eat it too. You don’t pursue other women when you are married. That is point of getting married.
My suggestion, walk away. No good can come from this. You don’t want to be responsible for the pain caused to his wife and child. You don’t want this on your conscience. You know he isn’t going to leave her. So what do you get from all of this? You know what he wants from you.
Walk away now and save yourself from the shame that will come from this.
Do the right thing for yourself and for his wife and child.
Hope this helps and write anytime.
sam