Expert: Bruce D. Frank - 9/28/2007

Question
I have had the most wonderful relationship with a man for the past 7 years. I am in college part-time, and work part time. My boyfriend was not getting my full attention. He was lonely, so he found a girl friend at work that was not happy in her marriage, and that is where it all started. This has been going on for 7 months. All the signs came to me. I kicked him out and after him talking with his g/f he told her how he feels about me and came home. Now I want him to confess to me if he did have sex. I told him it doesn't matter if he did, but the truth needs to come out, so we can move on and leave the lies hopefully behind. I know with my heart he did, but I need to hear it.I love this man with all my heart. We were wonderful together. He wants to stay with me, but thinks I am pressuring him for the truth, or I told him I want him out in 2 days.I have a 15, and 16 year old that sees mom unhappy on top of it all.What should I do?

Answer
I am sorry about what happened with you and your man Sue.  But, here it goes... He slept with her.  Now you've heard it.  It does not matter if he tells you that he did it.  You know he did.  If you really love him and are willing to forgive him that you need to talk with him about the fact that you can not live with lies but that you are willing to forgive if he were to never lie to him again.  You can have a wonderful relationship together again; but you have to set boundaries as to what you can tolerate and what your relationship will be about from this point forward.  If you can not forgive and you have to pressure him for the truth, may be you should move on without him.   Don't get me wrong, what happened is devastating, and you will never forget... but you can not expect him to live in love with you forever if you are pressuring him about this think that you already know.