Expert: Kat - 2/21/2003

Question
Hello Kat,

We were dating for about a month when he cheated on me with 3 girls. They were all from work and he sais they really came on to him, grabbing him. I am not surprised some girls at Waffle House are like that. He was my first sexual relationship and I know I had no clue what I was doing in bed, and those girls coming on to him... I do not know. I am his first serious girlfriend and before me he had intercours with many many girls, and I guess it is hard for him to settle down. he tells me that he wants this relationship to really work out, and he'll do any thing, but he could be really sneaky. Tell me that and behind my back do who knows what. What makes it harder is that sometimes he might not be doing anything wrong but he does not communicate too much, so I have no idea, and when I ask he thinks I ask too much and I don't trust him. It is not that I do not trust him, I just don't know. I am afraid of getting hurt again, and if I think he is cheating on me, if he really does, I'll be emotionally prepared for it. But I feel like this is destroying our relationship. I hope this extra info helps.

Thank you,
Daniela

Answer
Hi Daniela
I'm sorry to say this guy doesn't sound like good news. To cheat with 3 girls is just ridiculous. You also say he has been with many girls before you. This guy clearly has a large sexual appetite and unfortunately most men like this don't change. Sure, some men do change but I can see why you don't trust him.
If he does care for you, it is down to him now to really communicate and express this so you feel more secure. If you are getting no communication and are just left with your own doubts and suspicions, this can never work.
He needs to know that you really need him to talk more, so you know how he feels about you. Your not a mind reader and after the cheating he really should be making a huge effort to express this to you. You also need to really talk about what happened with these other girls, why he did it, what's changed now that makes him say he wont do it again. I think he is exagerating when he says all 3 girls in this space of time all came onto him. Not even Brad Pitt in an office would have this! He needs to face facts and be honest with you about the whole thing, Only then can you get the facts straight in your own mind and decide if this relationship is worth it. Remember not many girls would forgive a man for this, so you are a very forgiving and special person to do this and he should be really trying to put things right with you.
Good luck, talk some more if need be,
Kat