Expert: Sara - 1/7/2005

Question
Hi Sara,
I started my current job around 6 months ago. During that time, a coworker who happened to be married, began talking to me. I kept my space, even though he insisted on being friends and going out for drinks or walking to the train. My resistance began to wear very thin as i became more and more attracted to him. We ended up going out one night and taking the "relationship" to a different level. We've now begun this back and forth of wanting eachother and planning nights together. I initially thought it was going to be strictly sex with no emotional attachment, but now he tells me how much he cares about me and has even given me a few gifts. Now, he has lowered his intense aggressiveness of pursuing me but he still plans on stopping over at my place. I'm just not sure what the next step should be. Please give me some kind of insight into my situation. I know its pretty vague information, but anything you can say might help. Thanks!

Answer
Hey there! Here is a problem that I'm really glad you came to me with! I have also had a relationship with a married man and I will be the first one to tell you that no matter how much you love him or he says that he loves you, chances are, he's not going to leave his wife. The inital thrill of a strictly sexual relationship with a married man will wear off in time. The fact that he's slowing down with his aggression of pursuit is another tell tail sign that this is not the right relationship to be in! My honest advice is to end the relationship as soon as you can. Explain to him that you've made a mistake and you don't think that this is the best situation for you. Gifts are not going to help you deal with the fact that you're sleeping with someone elses husband. Trust me, you may not feel guilty now, but what happens when you're married and your husband is cheating on you. That's the thought that I had that finally made me see the light. You need to sit down with yourself and honestly ask yourself if this is really what you want.
I wish you all the luck in the world, I know that giving up someone is a very hard thing to do. Please let me know how things go for you. If you need someone to talk to please feel free to write me anytime. My personal e-mail address is cackbar@hotmail.com
Good luck!
Sara.