Expert: Bruce D. Frank - 10/2/2007

Question
This is a long question so please bare with me: I have been going out with this girl for about 13 months now, over a relationship she has cheated on me about 3 or 4 times. i know I shouldnt have let it continue but when I leave her she gets really sad and does this serious crying thing. Anyways i just found out recently that she did it again and i dont know what to do, i want to break up with her, but then again I dont, i really love her but i am so hurt. If i do break up with her i know that she will get all sad and cry and everything and since i live with her and her parents, I cant handle it. I hate to see her cry like that, it hurts me so much, but i dont think i want to stay in this relationship, but I really do love her with all my heart, and I want her. What should i do?

Answer
Your girl is missing something very important in her life.  That something is love.  You may love her with all your heart; but, the feeling of being loved is in the eye of the beholder.  It is also very subjective.  Meaning, whatever she is trying to fulfill may be something that she did not get from her childhood.  Something that she may not be able to satisfy.  You must decide how much you can take.  If you want to end the relationship, you must do so immediately.  Do not let it linger on forever.  It will not be healthy for you or for her.  The crying and tantrum is only a subconscious method for her to hold on to one of the only symbols of love that she has (you).  The sex that she has with others is not about sexual pleasure... it is about love.  I do not know if she is fully capable of loving you without cheating.  If you are willing to accept that behavior and you are able to cope with your pain, then stay put.  If not, you know that you need to move on.