Expert: Craig - 11/16/2001

Question
Hi just about a week ago I walked in on my boyfriend of 4 years making out with a female which we both knew. I confronted him and he turned it around saying,"You provoked this" the worst is when I confronted her she said,"well did you watch?" I said as a matter of fact I did. Her response was,"That's F---ed up of you to watch"
What do I do? I want to go kick her ass as well as his. And what can I do to get revenge without getting in any trouble?  Please help  

     A hurting Heart

Answer
I understand you are hurt and angry over these events..you have a right to be angry...this is justifiable anger...

now, losing control is not appropriate...

the most appropriate thing is to talk about the BF in the past tense...

your X BF that is

this is your biggest revenge...is to lose the baggage of an ass like him...

the words "you provoked me" is nothing more than an excuse...and a failure to accept responsiblity for his behavior...

I don't believe you are willing to put up with this in a LTR relationship....so don't...

revenge...sorry, it only causes you to hurt longer, feel regret, and hold onto the hurt...

do you really want to do that?

keep venting, it is healthy...just avoid being compulsive...you are above that aren't you?

Now, if you were married, I would tell you something else, but you are not in denial about what happenned, you know he cheated...so, the best way to blow him away is to totally ignore him, his calls, his advances and his excuses...he has no excuse...don't fall for it...his behavior is owned by him 100%...(besides, did he shut her up when the gal said what she said to you? did he defend you?...thens ask yourself, is this creep worth it?) oh, even if he apologizes, accept his apology (which will piss him off) but tell him, "it is over between us"...his apology will mean nothing except as a manipulation to get you back under his control...

God bless you and good luck,

Craig