Expert: Bruce D. Frank - 11/1/2007

Question
My boyfriend and I of three years have spent the past year to year and a half apart in long distance.  It has been very trying on us and I think we got to the point where it was just going through the motions... not much of an attempt was made on either end.  He was deployed in Germany and ended up having to stay for 2 months instead of coming home after one.  I thought I could handle this but had a very hard time.  I went out one night and got drunk with friends and ended up having a guy drive me home and come into the apartment I share with my boyfriend.  We only talked but there was some inappropriate converation in there "I'm attracted to you... " and a kiss on the cheek from him to me before he left.  NOTHING else happened physically but my boyfriend found out and is now going back and forth between whether or not he can ever forgive me for "betraying" him.  But I didn't cheat!

Answer
Infidelity is defined differently by different people.  Basically, it is a betrayal of an intimate agreement between two committed people. Unfortunately it may be very difficult to convince  him that you did nothing. You have to speak very calmly and clearly.  You will have to make him feel your honesty emotionally and physically.  He will get it if you do  not try to over do it.  Look him in the eye and believe that you will convince him. If you have a history of lying to him, then it may be very difficult.  If not it will work out.  Good Luck