Expert: Sam E - 6/17/2007

Question
Hello, I came across your site during another one of my sleepless nights.  I'll cut right to the chase....my boyfriend and I were going through problems at one point, but we still lived together and were okay.  One day after a HUGE argument, and on the brink of me leaving, he blurted out that he cheated on me.

This was the same day that he went to the doctor for urinary problems, who told him it could be an STD ... but it ended up being nothing ... but WHY would he think that in the first place??? Furthermore, when I said to depend our relationship on the test results, he said he was not 100% certain it was negative, that it COULD be anything ... then confessed to sleeping with someone right before we met (I didn't know about her til then), saying it could have been from her.

I asked for details and he gave them.  I flipped out and was sobbing.  In the middle of my sobs, he said he didn't cheat and that he didn't know WHY he'd said that.  It made no sense, and I begged him to just tell me the truth.  Then he told me that he DID cheat, and gave a completely different story.  

He was then on his knees begging me to forgive him and actually crying.  I was still crying my eyes out.  Not too long after he was done, he said he DIDN'T cheat, once again.  CONFUSING.  Again, I kept on about the truth and believe it or not, the next day he said he DID cheat (with another all new different scenario).  And, yeah, you guessed it ... by the next hour he was back to saying he didn't cheat.  

It seemed like his answer depended on my reaction.  Nothing made sense, and it still doesn't.  Its been months, and he still swears that he's never cheated.  He keeps saying he doesn't know WHY he said all those things, or why he was crying etc etc. (he says he thinks its because he was so hurt and upset at the time).

Would a man really say he cheated when he didn't - if he still wanted to be with you? This makes no sense to me.  In a million years, I would never tell someone I cheated if I didn't.  I don't know where to go from here.  I just want to know the truth, but don't know how to get it....nor do I know how to believe it if I saw it.

Sorry for typing so much - hope to hear back from you.

Answer
I think you know he did cheat and than when he saw the pain he caused he lied to try and cover it up.  I have never met or heard of a guy lying and telling his gf he cheated and give her details than saying he didn’t.  He cheated, and he can't stand the pain he has caused you. He is also afraid that you will leave him. He has already told you the truth and with details.
I think now you need to decide what you want to do. Forgive and try and move on or kick the cheater to the curb? Yes he cheated!
Write me back anytime.
Sam