Expert: Bruce D. Frank - 9/18/2007

Question
I have been going out with a girl of my dreams for about 3 years, shes no
super model, but she's my super model. We have had our ups and downs and
in three years we split up twice. the second time round she ended up sleeping
with her boss on a few occasions which has hurt me in ways i can't explain,
i'm not angry with her, but myself for what happened.  The problem is, they
are still friends and they work together. They send sms's to each other once
in awhile. I have confronted her about it and she tells me what she did was a
very big mistake and that there would never be anything between the two of
them. I find myself looking for any signs of what might be happening and
what could happen. Am i being stupid about this? She never actually cheated
on me from what i can see<

Answer
You are in a very difficult situation.  You must have trust in a relationship for it to work, but, it is difficult to allow your girl to be in a "friendship" with a guy that she has had sex with.  The difficult part is that you do not want to accuse her of something that she is not doing; while you do not want to be ignorant and blindly allow her to be buddy buddy with a guy that she is currently sleeping with either.  Been there, done that.  In my situation my "wife" slept with a guy.  I forgave her and tried not to box her in.  I foolishly allowed her to be his friend on a platonic level only.  That back-fired.  I caught them at least four more times.  I am not saying that the girl of your dreams is doing that to you, but like some people say, "Trust in God, but tie your horse!!!"  You must be adamant about trusting your feelings.  If you think something is going on you must ask.  If you think it is not stopping you must continue to look.  And, as aways, if you look you must be willing to accept what you find.  If it is not what you want, you must be willing to make some hard decisions.