Expert: Sam E - 3/2/2007

Question
So here's my situation,
my boyfriend and I of 2 years broke up because I went off to college and he couldn't deal with that.  I then find out that within 2 weeks of breaking up, he found a new girl (huge downgrade may i add) and was sleeping with her.  He claims that he got a phone call from some annonymous caller that claimed I had a boyfriend at college (totally false claim), so out of anger and hurt he slept with this girl and started going out with her as a form or rebound.  Anyways, I decided to forgive him and we got back together, however everytime we would fight I would always throw in his face what he did to me.  He then broke up with me and within days got back with the same girl.  He cheated on her with me and so we eventually got back together again.  So this is my dilemma, I have him back, I truly in my heart love him, but I find it EXTREMELY HARD to completely forget the pain he's caused me TWICE by sleeping and being with this girl, and I was just wondering what ways, if possible, I could forget that chapter and move on.  I feel like I can't forget what he did to me, yet I still want to be with him, and I also question his claims of unconditional love when he was so cruel to hurt me so ruthlessly twice.  WHAT DO I DO?!?!?!?  And why did he do this to me!?

Answer
Getting over this is not easy. It takes time and a lot of it. He cheated on you twice! There is a clear pattern here! The first time it happened did he claim it would never happen again? And it did right? Is he going to run to her every time you fight? I think that you should go back into this relationship very cautiously (if even at all).
He did this to you because he doesn’t love and respect you the way you love and respect him. We don't hurt the people we love, at least not on purpose. Since cheating is never an accident, he hurt you on purpose, twice!
I suggest you do not jump back into this for a while. Let him miss you, and want you and do whatever it takes to get you back. Don't be so eager to forgive. That is why you are having such a hard time. You can't jump back into this without there ever being any help and time apart. By help I am counseling and by apart I am you two are not a couple yet. You are working towards it. He has the impression that you will keep forgiving him. You need to make HIM fight for your love. If he is not willing to do this than he is not worth keeping.
Let him know you love him but are not ready yet. Tell him he needs to prove his love and you need time to think. Let him sweat a while. Don't make it so easy on him.
Lastly, even he ever does this again no more chances! Let him go!
Write me  back if you have anymore questions or concerns,
Sam