Expert: Sam E - 3/29/2007

Question
QUESTION: my bf and me were together for 3 n half yrs and he two timed for 7 mnths in our relationship which has totally broken my heart coz i luved him so much n he use to always say i am his life and he luves me alot and cnt imagine livin without me.and the worst thing si he ended it in such a horrible way after i found out by sayin tht now i luv tht girl n im with her n whteva v had physically was smthin evn i wnted ..i couldnt imagine thts wht he thought of our relation for so long n when i cried n asked him how could he do this it dint seem like he cared n hes the same person who said he could neva see me cry.he left me for tht girl n tht too in such a cruel way n just in a matter of 2 days..i cnt take this betrayal and im still in shock coz i neva imagained he could do this i luved him so much..my self esteem has gone down n it feels i cnt live without him and the world is crashing around me ..i really dunt know why he had to do that when he evn spoke abt marriage i dont know wht went wrong..i cnt take this nymore i feel very alone without him like sumthin is missing in me.please i really need some help?
ANSWER: Getting over this is not easy. It takes time and a lot of it. He was two timing you and that alone is evident of his lack of love and respect for you. His cheating and lack of care has nothing to do with you. He just was not that in love with you as you were with him. You did nothing wrong. he was not the one for you. When you find a man that does love and respect you, you will know what it means to truly be loved. This person will never hurt you by cheating and lying. That is what true love is.
I write this to you so you can understand that although this hurts, he is not worth the tears you shed for him. Take this pain he has caused and turn it into strength! You can choice to take your life back and not let him take one more ounce from you!
It will not be easy but remember that we bend but will not break! Don’t let him see your pain. It won’t do any good. He will not suddenly feel bad or love you. He is gone and good riddance to him!
Now you need to focus on you and getting yourself back on track.
First thing is to not dwell on him or the pain he has caused. Stop yourself from spending too much time in this pain.
Surround yourself with family and friends. People who truly love you and can give support. Even go out and have fun even if you have to fake it. You also need to work on your self-esteem. Cheaters cause great pain and tear down even the most confident of people! Remember, he is the one with the issues, not you! You need to work on bettering yourself and your life. Focus on yourself and making your life better! Go back to school, work out, whatever it takes to get your self esteem back. All the things you have ever wanted to do but put on the back burner, you can now do. Change career, go back to school, buy a farm. Whatever it is that will make you happy.
This is the time to focus on you. Trust me when I tell you that you will get over this and someday you will find a man who does love you and this joker will be a bad faded memory!
Write me anytime,
sam


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: hey sam after your email i felt better and even after goin through the website you send me although im still very hurt i just tried to feel better and i was but then again today my bf called me up i dont know why is he doing this to me n started sayin im really sorry and you shouldnt have come across a guy like me im bad and then when i was crying he told me please dont i cant take it n then i told him if he keeps calling me i can never get over him and now hes with someone else so he said i cant be with her he told me he wanted to talk more and would call me in the night and then before hanging up he just said love you and hung up..what on earth is going on in his brains i dont understand,why is he doing this to me calling me again n saying stuff..please temme whats goin on?

Answer
It sounds like he may be on the rocks with her so he thinks he can come running back to you. It’s a tough thing for you and its not fair. I can tell you that you will end up being hurt by him again!
If he wants to start a relationship again take it very slow and make certain he is NOT with her anymore. Otherwise he will be using you! Keep in mind that he left you for her and is only coming back (if that is truly what he wants) because she is not working out. Had they of worked out you would still be history! I’m ceratin I would not want anything to do with a guy who can do that to me, but you may feel differently. Maybe tonight ask him what he really wants.  Tell him as long as he is with her you don’t have anything to say to him. This is tricky and you have to be strong!
Sam