Expert: Sam E - 1/5/2007

Question
I have been with my pratner for over three years now , we live together and he asked me to marry him two years ago, with a view to buying a house first and then a wedding. I was over the moon.

I have held trust issues going way back with other partners and also I expect from when I was young as my mother left home.

He tells me that he has experienced trust being broken too from his last wife, who had an affair and he was made to leave his home and children (hence the needing to buy a house). I am a step parent for his children and love him dearly.

I always seem to 'feel' something just isn't right, and occassionaly have 'almost caught him out in a lie' here and there. He and I have a good sex life and share openly our sexual fantatsies. On the odd occassion we have explored them including with another person for example.

This is a bond we have that is based on trust that we share this special thing.

However, I always seem to 'feel' something is up. or is likely to be up.

wierd phone calls the very odd lie here or there that is so 'insignificant' in relative terms, but warms me that is this is a man that says " I Never lie" then why these little ones?

I found that he had been webcaming sexually online with someone and this was a hurt, because it was also a sexual fantatsy that he didn't tell me about, and then lied about when I was away.  "So what you been up to chatting to anyone?" reply " naaaaaah I got an early night", when the evidence on his PC told me otherwise. when I confronted him about it he was upset and said he has never doen this before and would always tell me if he wanted to again in the future.

because of this, phone call things, funky txt messages, little white lies, and sometimes his attitude that I am so OVER the TOP and he can't take this in me much longer, I end up letting it drop and just getting back to the peace we have when I don't enquire.

I work out what's my stuff and process this and still sometimes feel there is just something not quite right.

Today for example. he called the house, withheld number, I answered, we chatted for a bit, which I thought was strange he was off to do his favourite sport, why riong me, then a txt message came through, I told him to hold. got my mobile and he had just sent me a text asking about the 'wierd' call that came to the house the day before with an 'explanation- hypotheses of why he thinks it happened. I got the message and said Oh you just sent me a txt? as well as ringing me?   He was flumaxed a bit, but carried on with a reason for this I sent it yesterday hun it's only just come through". I hung up from a not necessary on his part conversation and thern called his mobile phone provider. they confirmed the date on the txt that I recived is the date the person has SENT it.

so I have found out a lie today and it all seems wierd.

can you help?

Needing 2 Know  :(  

Answer
I cant say this enough,  instincts are rarely wrong and you must be picking up on something. The lies, the text, and web certainly are strong indications that there is something wrong. We have nothing to lie about if we have nothing to hide!
I think that you have something to worry about and that you should investigate a little deeper. Most men won’t come out and admit cheating so don’t rely on his honesty.  Dig deeper. Don’t let  him know you are digging or he will cover his tracks. Play it like you believe all he has said and let it go. Even if you find something suspicious, hold off on telling him. It will take a while of gathering info. He may be erasing things now because he knows you are watching so play it cool.
Let him think you are not suspicious of him and keep your eyes and ears open! If he is up to no good you will find out.
Hope this helps and write me back anytime!
Sam