Expert: Sam E - 3/22/2007

Question
i met my girlfriend march of last year.. we started off with a good relationship but 3 months(June) into are relationship she cheated on me with a guy friend of hers and got pregnant but eventually got a abortion.. She told me what she done after about 2 months had gone by.. After she told me what happened i was in so much pain and had so much anger because i loved her so much that i could believe she did that to me but after all that mess i still found myself staying with her. It has been a little over 9 months now that since the whole situation happened. I'm now married with her, we been married for about two months now and are expecting a baby in September. The main reason why I'm writing to you is because their are many days that go bye where i think back at what she did to me in the past and causes me pain because the girl i loved cheated on me at one time. i just want to know when or how can i forget about that past to move on, because it feels i get sadder and sadder each time i think about it and everytime i get worse so does she.  

Answer
You had obviously forgiven her and now its time to move on. If you don’t get a hold of this it will ruin your relationship. First recognize that this pain comes from insecurities caused by the cheating.  
The only way to really improve is to start to building up your self esteem and to work through your fears.
It is time to take the focus off of her and her wrong doings and put it on you. When you find yourself thinking about this, STOP!  Refocus. When you start to obsess on this, stop and go do your hobby or think about the new life you two have made.
You may have to refocus a hundred times a day at first, but after awhile it will lessen and before you know it, it will not be in your mind again.
Stop entertaining the thoughts and they’ll leave. Secondly, start working your self. Go back to school, go the gym, whatever you decide you want to do.  Build your self-esteem.
Lastly, seek some counseling. It sounds like you have a lot of pain that you need to work through.
So, don’t dwell on the thoughts. Refocus EVERY time you start to think about it.
Work on your self esteem and seek help!
Hope this helps and write me anytime!
Sam