Expert: Sam E - 3/25/2007

Question
Hi! So I have known a guy at work for about 8 months now. We started by flirting and then about 3 months ago he gave me his number and invited me to a concert. We had instant chemistry and totally hit it off. About 2 weeks into the "relationship" I told him I would not sleep with him until I knew that we had "serious" feelings for each other. About 3 weeks after that, Valentine's Day happened and we had an awesome time. Penthouse hotel, limosine, roses, jewelry and good sex. That night he told me he loved me. Our relationship progressed and we were both very happy.  I got along well with his family, especially his mother so I really thought that he might be the one. You can tell my surprise when I found out 5 weeks ago that I am pregnant with his child. I told him and he said we should have the baby and move in together and I was willing to do that, but...2 weeks ago his wife of 5 years called me wanting to know what I was doing with her husband. I was shocked and confronted him, but he insists he made a mistake and that he loves me but doesn't know what to do with her. He says he doesn't want to lose his home and the things they have accumulated. So we are seperated until he can get over his "confusion". He swears he loves me and our baby, but that he just needs time to sort things out. This is the first time he has done something like this and he says you can't help who you fall in love with. Should I wait and let him continue to buy me gifts, give me money and mess around with him or should I high tail it and let his wife keep her two-timing husband. I love him but I am so confused as well. I am 23, he is 26.

Answer
He is a liar and a cheater. He is one of the worst kinds because he has lied to you and led you on this whole time. Had he have told you when you met he was married you would have been able to make a better decision. You can help who you fall in love with. He is married so he should not have even gone there with you to fall in love!  You don’t want to be a mistress and that is what you will end up being! Your child and you both deserve more than second hand garbage!  Tell him that your not going to be with him until he is divorced. Period. Don’t even fall for his lies. He is giving you the oldest song in dance known to cheaters!
Tell him he will pay child support (and by law he has to) but that’s all. Watch how fast he changes his tune when he see’s that your not playing a fool!  The truth is, he is trying to get the best of both worlds and right now he thinks your stupid enough to buy it all! No way! At 23 you have your whole life ahead of you.  There is no way he can fully and honestly give you his love, respect and time if he is married!  He can never be yours, so why waste time on that? You have to do all the waiting. Waiting on him, making sure you keep this hush-hush. Never getting what all your friends have, a husband and a home.  Your child can see daddy when he decides to sneak away from his wife to see you. In the meantime you wait, alone. All your life will be spent waiting on him and when you can sneak around with him. Waiting for him to come around and see you and the baby. Does this sound like something you want? That is the reality of having an affair and being a mistress.
Keep in mind that if you stay, you are now willing helping this man cheat on his wife. HOME WRECKER will be labeled on you. It’s not fair, but it's life and you know how it is these days! It’s always piled on the other woman. The man rarely gets the full blunt of the blame.
You deserve better and you know it!
Kick him to curb until he can make up his mind. Of course, do you really want a man who can be so filled with lies and deception? He not only lied to you but to his wife as well. He is cheater and a liar. I’m not sure if he is even worth wanting even if he does leave her. Something to really think about.
~Sam