Expert: RITA - 4/1/2005

Question
Thanks for the honet reply. I share a daughter with this man should I be concerned about her well being around him.He sees the baby at his mothers home however, he is not very consistent meaning hee has allowed me to make all the schedules for visitations and their are times when he appears to take little interest in other words since our daughters birth he has probably changed five dipars.  He allows myself and his mother to do all the maintanance work and states he is the entertainer.  He can go days with out seeing her and will not make remarks he never suggests or asks to make the schedules he just let's me do the work.  I know I have to share and I try my best to be fair but why should I continue on like this. Also I am concerned that he is on a path of self destruction as it is so out of his nature one to have been so decitful, vengeful and secretive his new found love is recently out of a marriage about a year and also was divorced as she was cheating on her spouse with another man. I am not sure now how much control she is taking of his life he is lying to his parents myself and others he does not take this girl in public and at a dance they were seen at he went with his friends and she went with hers  i'm sure they left together.  Next day he slept with me I have cut him off since after exposing his shameful lies.  
He has come to my house on 3 occassions since and denies he has even when he has taken items from here such as my lap top and his snow boots he's even brought us food.  He was stuck betwwen his lover and I until two weeks ago when I informed her of his actions I had thought we were working on our relationship as he was making coments such as
i would always have part of his heart not because of the baby but because he loved me.  He also stated he had never feared anyone as much as I as I had been his true love, he had sex with me for weeks after the affair was exposed and I know he was betwwen beds as she stated it to me.  Does this mean he cannot be trusted with my daughter and what should I do for my son whom he helped raise he is a liar and immature would you agree.  

Answer
Jen, this is my last reply to you...you need to quit obsessing at this point. His affair has nothing to do with you trusting him with his own daughter, he has a right to see her because he is the father. As for your son, that is your choice, but since he has raised him as his own, I would allow visits. I don't think your ex is going to be coaching your son on how to be a cheater or liar, and you shouldn't be telling either one of your children bad things about him...that only screws up their minds, because the fact is no matter what he has done or is doing they will love him..children are unconditional in that sense and it will only hurt them if you keep them from seeing him. So please, don't keep the children from him, unless there are signs of abuse on his part or they don't want to see him, don't stop them, you would be doing more harm than good. These children are innocent bystanders and you should try to keep them out of this as much as possible and allowing them to adjust to the decisions you two have made.
Take care