Expert: Sam E - 7/5/2007

Question
I need some advice. My husband of 18 years has left me and our 2 children for one of my closest friends. I had no warning, one day he told me he was having an affair and the next he moved out to live with her!The affair is supposedly 5 weeks old. Up to this stage he had never been away from our daughter for more than 2 nights. He did say he wasn't sure what he wanted but he was in love with her and couldn't live without her. I know she tends to move men regularly and is a money hunter and thinks we have money! I worry that my children will be hurt again. Also I still love my husband (obviously) and he is still wanting to sleep with me. What should I do? Will this last or burn out? Confused and hurting and trying to move on...

Answer
I am sorry this as happened to you. It is never easy to be betrayed, especially in this manner.
The fact that he left you tells me he knows what he wants and its not you. Sleeping with him is a no- no! He is with her now. He made his bed and he should lay in it, right? He can’t have you both. I am sure that is not what you want and in the end you will be hurt.  I know it tempting and you still love him, but allowing him to still sleep with you but not have any commitment towards you is asking for trouble. If he loved you he would be with you. He would not be with her. He WALKED OUT ON 18 YEARS OF MARRIAGE  and it should be left at that. You should file for divorce and move on with your life! Don’t let him keep pulling you down. It's not fair to you or to your children!
You need time To let this all sink in and realize the depth of this mans betrayal and lies!  
Unless you are willing to share him with this other woman he is with now, move on!
Make a clean break.ONLY speak with him when it involves the children or the divorce. Remember that he left you! He was having an affair! He was lying to your face each and every day! He is with her now, by choice. Don’t make this easy on him. He had NO regard for you or your feelings or your children’s. Why bother with a guy like that? He threw 18 years away just like that, so be it!
Would you really want someone like this back in your life?
You are worth so much more! Make him live with his choice. Go find support and love in your family and friends and don’t let this man take one more once from you!
I promise that in time you will heal and when you are smiling and in love with a man who truly loves you, you will thank yourself! Happiness will come again you just have to give it time and you have to stay away from this man!
This may sound corny, but go watch Hope Floats! This movie is a lot  like what you are going through. It may give you some hope?
YOU DESERVE MORE THAN HE CAN GIVE YOU NOW! LET HIM GO!!
Sam