Expert: Amanda L. - 2/13/2004

Question
OK her it goes i have been dating this girl for 10 months and we moved in together kind of fast.  She has moved out and we did brake up for about 2 weeks because i was not there when she needed me and she moved out back with her mom who does not want us to be together.  We have worked everything out and everything has been perfect accept her mom still does not think i am right for her and she lives an hour a way now.  Well anyway i have not talked to her sense tuseday and its not becaus ei have not tried to.  I did talk to her online for a little on wednesday but not much.  I asked her if i could come see her on wednesday but she said her mom was home and did not want me to come.  then she told me she was going with her friend who was a girl to the mall and she was going to a party later that night and she would call me later.  I said ok and did not think anything of it.  I tryed to call her all day today and never got a hold of her (she does not have a cell phone so i cant call her unless she is home) Tonight her mom picked up and said she was staying at a friends house by her college tonight.  I dont know who or anything like that she has not told me or called me to tell me what she is doing.  When we did talk i said dont flirt with any guys at the party and she said dont be stupid michael all i love is you and she says she would never cheat on me.  But sh has never not called me and its weird that she is staying out there for the nightshe started going there this semester and she did not know anyone.  She says she loves me so much but this is kind of scaring me.  How can i tell if she is cheating.  How could i bring it up and not have her get mad at me. do you think she would tell the truth?  WE have always told each other that we would never cheat on each other and we both say what would we be doing with each other if we are cheating there is no point in a relationship.  Well what do you think is she?  what should i be looking for. PLease help.  and by the way she is 19 almost 20 and i am 21
thanks mike

Answer
Mike,

Things do seem a little fishy. Maybe instead of accusing her of cheating on you, why don't you bring up to her that you think the relationship has been suffering over the past week or so and you're not sure why. Let her know that you're concerned. Assure her that you don't think she's cheating on you because thats the last thing you should do. I find a lot of relationships where one person is constantly accusing the other of cheating suffers even more. Just explain that you're unsure of whats going on and that you just want things to get better rather then remain the way they are. You understand that the distance is a problem and that her mother doesn't exactly approve of the relationship but you're trying your best to fix things.
Let me know if that helps.

Amanda L.