Expert: Don - 5/20/2007

Question
Me and My Boyfriend have been dating for a while when I found out he was cheating..Many people told me that he was but I just blew it off. Knowing it was true I tried to make myself not believe it. So One day he broke up with me. It was his ex who he cheated on me with. She was his first love and his 1st. He started dating her when we broke up we only stayed apart for 2 weeks but everyday and night of those two weeks he would call me and tell me how he wanted to come and spend the night and things. But all I ever said was you have a girlfriend. His girlfriend found out we had been talking and stuff so they broke it off...A few days later he called me and said he was sorry and made a huge mistake and he wished that he could have a second chance. So i told him ok but if I found out he was cheating on me again it would be the last time we ever spoke or did anything together. He told me I wouldn't have to worry about it, We've almost been together for a month now but its so hard for me to give the trust I once had for him. I'm all the time questioning and I hate it because I'm afraid he going to want to end it because I don't have no trust for him..So how do I gain that trust for him back?

Answer
The only thing I can tell you is that you couldn't have possibly forgiven him if you can't trust him. It doesn't work that way. If you want to trust him again it takes time and effort on both your parts. You have to see that he has really has changed by his actions. Trust comes with time and he violated your trust greatly, so all you can do is watch him and see that he really is committed to you and not cheating.

You have to be careful with your lack of trusting because eventually if he has changed and isn't cheating but you keep accusing him of cheating or act like you don't trust him, he's going get frustrated and either cheat on you again or simply leave you.

So to rebuild trust you have to accept the fact that what he did was wrong but he is trying to fix it and you need to give him the benefit of the doubt for awhile, if you feel you can't do that then it's best you break up now and save yourself the time.

I hoped this helped and good luck