Expert: Don - 10/9/2007

Question
I am currently in a 1 year old relationship and I've just come clean to my girlfriend about my past sexual history. All this time, I haven't had the guts to tell her about my past. All this time, she's had the impression that I am chaste. I've been sexually and emotionally faithful to her ever since I've met her.

Now after coming clean, she is very upset about my past and she feels as if I have cheated on her since the start of the relationship. I know that I should have come clean about my past right at the start in order to give her a chance to back out. I told her everything because we are currently attending this Marriage Preparation Course and it struck me that I owe it to her to be honest and tell the truth. I know that I have been a real jerk about this. Please help me...

Answer
You don't have any reason to feel bad and your girlfriend has no right to be upset. Your past sexual history is just that in your past, something you did before you ever even met your girlfriend, and something that has nothing to do with her.

As long as you have been faithful and not cheated on her during your relationship, she doesn't have any right to be upset about your prior relationships. Just tell her this, that you love her and want to be with her and that if she really wants to be with you, she'd forget the past and focus on the present and future that the two of you have together.

Tell her to stop living in the past and start living for now, especially if she doesn't want to lose you.