Expert: Sam E - 8/18/2007

Question
I am 21 y/o and i am married. I was with my husband for one year before we got married. now we have been together for 2 1/2 years and my feelings have recently changed. I just cheated on my husband once last week and i feel terrible. In my past relationships I was always the one who was cheated on. This is the first time i have done this. About a year ago I wouldn't even think about being with anyone else. And on top of that I was recently diagnosed with slight depression. I absolutely Love my husband to death and cant belive i have done this to him. But when I done this, me and the guy text back and forth for about a week before we slept together. When we would talk this guy was everything I wanted in my fantasies. When we talked I was so happy and didn't feel any guilt till just now. Me and this guy have stopped talking like that since then, but we are friends so we still see each other every now and then. Now I just don't know how to deal with this situation. Plus the guy wasn't even that great. The only thing is that there was the excitement there during the sex. I have just felt real rejected by my husband lately because I feel like we don't spend enough time together. I feel like his computer has taken my place, he is always on it. Now even more since there was a new game that just came out. I am trying so hard not to be selfish, but I have needs too. So if you have any advice on what I should do about this please help me. I can't think straight right now.

Answer
Since your first commitment is to your husband, you need to work out with him, or move on.
There is never an excuse for cheating and lying.
Talk with him. Tell him your needs and wants. He will never be able to meet your needs until you tell him.  Having an affair is a very bad thing and it never solves anything. It will only make your marriage weaker and weaker until it crumbles. So  you should spare him the pain of finding out you are cheating by trying to work on things with him. If, after time, you find its unworkable, divorce. You have to give your marriage a chance and realize that if finds out you are cheating, its over, so why not do it the right way and spare everyone involved a whole lot of pain.
Seek marriage counseling, make time to be with each other, and no more cheating.
Hope this helps,
Sam