Expert: Don - 8/3/2007

Question
QUESTION: Hi, it all began last year when i came across a dating website online , i added profile and got many responses, but one in particular caught my eyes it was Alex from Florida.We exchanged mails , in the 2nd mail he told me he was married and has a child  and 52 yrs old .
I appreciated the honesty , and he told me that his work allowed him to travel to Africa alot and that he did mind having a friend from Kenya.We instantly became friends and i couldn't wait to meet him.After a couple of weeks he visited me , we got intimate and after this life want the same for us we both fell in love madly , he came to Kenya a couple of times and this year in March i visited him we spent 6 weeks together .
Ofcorse the wife has no idea about all this, we keep in touch everyday no matter whatever part of the world he is in , spend hours chatting on the net , he makes sure he writes a email to me everyday, He claims his life hasn't been the same after spending 6 weeks together he wants me in his life no matter what he is always asking me to be postive that things will work out for us .To tell u the truth im a realistic person i know its very rare for a husband to leave is wife of 20yrs ,but sometimes i let my emotions get the better of me , i do love him alot, emotionally involved with him,always missing him,age difference is not and issue to me neither is the culture or the distance.
He makes me feel so special, and he is the sweetest man i have ever met.He has asked me to give him sometime so he can sort himself out .He says he loves his wife but he is not happy in the marriage, no sex no attention from the wife.(pls note this is his 2nd marriage and the wife's too)
Now my question , Do you think i should wait, or should just count my losses and move on,Please advice.

ANSWER: I think you should move on, why waste your time and love on a person that you can't have all of. Instead of spending time in a relationship with this guy, you could be trying to find yourself a man that can actually belong to you.

Right now all you are doing is sharing this man with his wife, he will never belong to you. And like you said chances are he's not going just up and leave his wife of 20 years no matter how much he says he loves you.

Before you give this man to much of your time or love, move on. Go out and try to find a man who you can have a real relationship with and a real future. A man you can start your own family with instead of stealing that guy from the family he already has. Dealing with a married man will bring you nothing but heartache move on.

I hope this helped and good luck.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: How do i break it off God i cant even stand the thought of not having him in my life anymore, how should i go about it without making it very painful.Thanx

Answer
You just cut him out of his life, or at least look at it like this, what if this was your husband and he was cheating on you with another woman. Think about how that woman would feel if she found out about the affair and put yourself in her place. You wouldn't want that to happen to you so that should help you.

Also remember he's basically using you, using your mind and body while knowing he will never actual commit to you, think about that instead of your love for him.

I think the easiest and quickest way for you to get rid of him is to just cut him out of your life, explain to him one time that you can't keep living like this and you need to end it with him. Then don't call him, don't answer his calls and block him from your life. Do whatever you have to do to avoid him, you need to forget about this guy.