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How to Deal With Cheaters/lying and recovering from it
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Question
I have just finally confirmed for the first time that my boyfriend of 12 yrs. (off &on) is/was cheating on me. I feel stupid,ashamed,cheated out of my good years (I'm 46),and so????? clueless. How did I put up with his unbelievable behavior ie;stalking,abuse,lies,cheating,stealing from me,not returning calls,not showing up when saying he would,calls & letters from jail? What kept me from adding all this up long before now? How do I ever learn to trust myself again? I am more worried about that than learning to trust someone else. Most of the signs were there and I believed him each and every time or choose to forgive trying again and again even though each time I tried I knew in my heart that I did'nt think I could forget but obviously did forget and forgave just because I wanted to believe so badley.
To me it seems like you have some kind of self esteem issue. Do you feel you have low self esteem? I only say this because it appears that you'd rather be in this horrible relationship then be alone.
That's the only reason I could think that you would stay in a relationship when you know the guy is a liar and a cheat. Did you feel that this was the only man that you could get? Is that the reason why you allowed this man to disrespect you and yet you keep taking him back.
First thing you need to do is leave this man.
Second is you need to take a look at yourself and learn to love you. You couldn't possibly hope for someone to love you, if you don't love yourself.
It's time to leave this liar and cheater behind and learn to love yourself, that's the only way you'll build up your self esteem.
I hope this helped and good luck
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| Rating(1-10) | Knowledgeability = 10 | Clarity of Response = 10 | Politeness = 10 |
| Comment | You were absolutely correct! Inside I have felt that it would be hard to find a new partner. Why my low self esteem? Several factors verbally abusive family members,ex-husband,mother with low self esteem. I did not connect the dots and have even had counseling,alanon and others, books etc.to correct this. Even so I'm not trying to make excuses for my behavior the guy seemed like one heck of a great person for the first 5 yrs. and someone who truly loved me. I kept waiting for him to return (the good guy) as you and I both see that did not happen. I have left him for good this time the pain from this was the worst and I can not take any more. I appreciate you opinion because it now feels real to me that self esteem has been the real and obvious issue all along. I also was unaware that codependency was in someways another term for low self esteem.(I read that on this site) Now that it is in my face I will work to see how I can learn to love myself as much as I love others and that is tons. Many thanks to you and if you have any suggestions on how to go about learning to love yourself I'm here to listen. Thank you Sincerely, Ann | ||
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Don
Expertise
I will answer any and all questions when it comes to catching a cheater or ways to get away with cheating.
Experience
I have successfully cheated in 10 out of 10 relationships without ever being caught, so I know all the signs of a person who is cheating and I also know how not to be caught. So if you need help in getting away with cheating or if you suspect your bf/gf or spouse of cheating and want help spotting the signs of a cheater I'm your man.
Education/Credentials
BS in Clinical Psychology
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