Expert: Don - 12/30/2007

Question
I do not know if this is the right place to go about my situation, but I am at a loss. Last year at a New Years Eve party I ended up hooking up with my best guy friend. We were both drunk but it felt right and neither one of us regretted it, but we believed that it wouldn't ever happen again either. Sure enough a few weeks later we started to mess around but didn't let anyone know about it. We got ourselves into a 'friends with benefits' situation and he confessed that he would like to have more with me. I didn't want anything at the time. Two days after the last time we hooked up he started dating someone. This ended our messing about and it crushed me much more then I ever would have thought. I realized just how much I really did want to be with him. I did let him know that, but nothing really came of it. We continued to be great friends and our friendship never changed, except that our innocent flirting didn't seem so innocent anymore. The chemistry has always been there between us and is a reason why his current girlfriend does not like me and does not like the fact that we talk and hang out still as much as we do. Him and his gf moved in together about three months ago, a bit rushed I think. Well, now this is where my problem lies. I haven't stopped liking my guy friend, I've tried and I just can't, and two weeks ago he confessed to me that his feelings for me have grown even more and that he made a huge mistake with his current girlfriend. He told me that he feels that I would be the 'one who got away' and he doesn't want that to happen, but he can't put everything out on the line until he knows exactly where I stand. I told him that I feel the same and since then we've been talking on the phone and texting each other constantly when his girlfriend isn't around, and even sometimes when she is, and we've messed around- no sex yet though. I want him to break up with his girlfriend and move out immediately, he admits to being a coward though and can't just yet. He's really close to her family and he does care about her, just doesn't love her, and he doesn't want to really hurt her. He wants to just run away but that really isn't a realistic option. I need help to what to do!! Please?!?!

Answer
First off no matter, how much you feel for him and he tells you he feels for you, don't let yourself become that woman on the side. Don't start to mess with him while he still has a girlfriend and let him start to have sex with you while he still has a girlfriend. Tell him that if he feels as strongly about you as he says he does and he really wants to be with you, he needs to be out of the same place as his girlfriend and he needs to break up with her and if he isn't willing to do that, then the two of you can't be more than friends until he can.

Don't let him use you as a woman on the side while he still is going home to his live in girlfriend every night. If he cares about you as much as he says he does, he would want to be with you all the time, not just when his girlfriend isn't around.

Don't tell him turn you into a mistress or a home-wrecker.