Expert: Sam E - 8/6/2007

Question
First I have to give some background.  I met this young lady at work and almost from the start we had an attraction to each other.  At that time, she was engaged to be married and we kept things at a distance, but the closer her wedding date got, the closer we got. She would confide in me about how she was having second thoughts about the marriage because of the way things went before her engagement. Ok, she got pregnant by her boyfriend and they decided to get married in a hurry, so they threw together a wedding, but she lost the baby one month before the wedding. But since  everyone (parents, relatives, etc.) had loaned them money and put a lot into the ceremony she decided to go through with it and figured she could learn to love this guy over time.  The day before the wedding, we were together talking till late (10pm)and the day after the wedding she was over, same thing.. Since then things have escalated to a full-blown affair, and we would be together after work almost everyday till 10 at night and we even took a 1 week trip to Europe together (Sounds like a movie but its true)  She lied and said it was a business trip.  She says she made a mistake in marrying him, but she has to sort this out herself.  She says she would love to be with me but she doesn't want to leave him for me... she wants to leave because she's not happy with him.  She says she has to give it a chance or she'll have regrets.  I'm moving to Europe for a year (leave in two weeks), But I really have strong feelings for her (and she for me)to the point where I would consider being with her for good.  1. Do you think she's going to leave him.  2. If she does, should I take her?  3.  Will I have too many trust issues with her for it to work. I gave her until Christmas to make a decision.  Is that too long or should I end it now?

Answer
I think you need to end this. Tell her you love her and want to be with her but not while she is still married.
If she truly wants to leave him, she will and she will ASAP.
You have to be out of the picture. You don't want to be strung along unsure of where this is going. She made it clear she doesn't want to leave him for you. That's pretty strong! If she is this unhappy with him, she will leave.
End all contact. If she loves you, she'll do whatever it takes to be with you. Period! If she is using you, she will keep this charade up until you are caught or you get fed up.
Hope this helps,
Sam