Expert: RITA - 10/17/2004

Question
okay my boyfriend called and told me he was going to his friend pauls house to help him move things in his new house...(( again )) I said ok but there was music and things in the backgorund so I ignored it trying to believe him...then 10 minutes late my phone rings and its his friend josh on my boyfriends cell asking me why I wasnt at the party at pauls..I said wait what are u guys doing there ? he said there was alot of people there and that they were all sitting around drinking & I asked if my boyfriend knew he was calling & inviting me ...of course he said no....so I was already hurt...then I asked to talk to him and josh told me he was busy and then said he was taking a shit (( gross )) and they kept saying that and I asked why they were lying for him and what was going on ? I heard them I ask him if he wanted to talk to me (( they dont know that )) and  finally I was like nevermind..then I call back (( with the nuber blocked )) like 5 minutes later if that and a girl asnwered and said in a very sweet and fake way alomost really rude u know ? and said how VERY busy he was but she would take a message and give it to him...I was hurt and crying and had to just hang up...I called my friend amanda and was balling and asked her if I should call back or what and so we did on 3 way so she could ask for him where I didnt have to talk or bitch out that gurl...so she polietly asked for my boy friend...but it was him who answered and I just came out of nowhere and said YOUR AN ASSHOLE !!! he was pissed...he started yelling saying ...how many people are on the phone, I'm trying to set him up (( i dont know about that one or what he means by that ))and how he didnt sign up for this shit and how I'm a bitch to call him out like that and just assume thingslike I did but really I told him I'm not trying to assume things I was calling to find out what was going on I said he was an asshole b/c of earlier when I talked to him & then about when his friends told me he was busy...b/c u know the funny part? he told me a girl answered cuz he wasnt around the phone b/c he was helping paul move thins like he said but paul was the one on the phone telling me he was taking a shit and i heard him say he didnt wanna talk to me...I know he is lying ...he has before... and I dont know what to do....when I talk to him...yeah I'm going to leave him but how do  I approach him about last night and what do I say I mean really...he use to say how much fun we have together and how he loves me and blah blah blah..what happened how do i approach him about it all ....is leaving him the right answer...I dont wanna just walk away after everything him and I have already been through but I dont know what else to do and like when he wants space and I give it to him he freaks and says how I act distant and he thinks i dont care about him anymore and then when I call abd things like he wants me too he backs off..... ?!?!! I'm SO LOST !!!!!! thanks bye

Answer
Hmmm, I'm not sure if this is the same Heather that has already written before but even if it is, this guy is a loser...!!!
If he is doing nothing wrong there is no reason at all to get mad, him or you. But he sounds like an asshole, as he even said, but thats no reason to yell at you.
If you like being yelled at and disrespected by being called a bitch, then your setting the rules as far as that. Don't let a man disrespect you, honey, there's too many other "fish" in the sea who will treat you right.
You sound very sweet but a bit insecure, so let the rat go and work on yourself and then you call the shots are far as what your needs and wants are..period.
Youre going to constantly worry about this guy and what he's doing...I suppose because maybe he's done something in the past...and lifes too short to waste on a dumbguy like this...do yourself a favor and cut him loose.
take care and tell me how you do