Expert: CTO - 1/9/2007

Question
I've been through this 2 years relationship with this girl I met on the internet. She's from the USA and I am from Brazil. We always planned on going to see eachother and we finally achieved that last year(June-September). She stayed with me at my house for 3 months. Now we were planning on her coming again on March and we would get married. The thing is that I haven't been very good to her this last year and I guess I didn't give her enough attention. She said she was feeling neglected. She always wanted to go to college now but she also wanted to be with me and she decided she was going to go for me and attempt school later when we eventually moved to the USA. Even though she was always between these 2 choices(I think it began when we started going bad even though she told me before it about these plans) I think what made her not think about going to school at all and come to live with me at once was that she felt neglected all this time, as I said before, and her heart was going cold about me because of this. Now she cheated on me for the first time. She told me she did it and I was terribly hurt but I also felt responsible for letting it come down to this point. She is not interested on that person who is from another state than hers. They met in this party that her friend called her to. I decided to forgive her but she said she wasn't sure about us anymore. She said that that day made her mind kind of change(I don't know if it's right or if it's just because it happened recently - about 3 days ago). She hasn't been sticking out with friends like that since we started together. She now wants to be alone out of a serious relationships and go to school and have fun with friends and not be with me anymore. She said that her love for me was over even tho she still had fellings(what fellings?) for me as we were together all this time and I was her first love. She also said she regreted doing that to me with that person and she felt horrible about it (she was very drunk and called my name while she was with this person). I asked her on the phone today if she misses me and she said she does. She said she thinks I am like a bestfriend for her now that's why she misses me, she added. I wish it is still possible for me to save our relation but I wonder how. She is so far, what makes it harder. I can't stop calling her on the phone and it's ok for her but I wonder if it's bad for bringing her back. I love her so much and I am going crazy about it. Should I let us have a break and let things cool down before attempting something? I don't know. I really don't know what I should do.

Answer
I did the same thing to my ex girlfriend. I neglected her, hung out with friends, and never saw her. She eventually did cheat on me.

Anyway. It seems you guys had a strong relationship in the beginning. Now because you are so far apart from her, she must feel a little neglected. When girls are neglected they see their life without you unfold in front of their eyes. While you were neglecting her (Now I dont know why you neglected her, Im just guessing the distance) she saw herself moving on and going to college. She could have cheated on you for a couple of reasons. Either she was too drunk (she did call your name) or she felt too neglected and wanted to feel needed. Basically she might have been desperate and lonely.

It seems that she's hanging out with the "wrong crowd" (her friends she hasnt seen since you first started seeing her) which could have ultimately changed her mind.

It also seems that she wants to go to college and have fun, and not be committed, at the moment.

Right now she seems very confused. If you dont want to be her best friend, and you just want a relationship tell her that. Tell her that in person. If you do that though that might put it all on the line. If you NEED her in your life then for right now you're going to have to be friends with her. The main problem is the distance. Long distance relationships are so hard. If you take a break than she may realize she does need you, or she may feel like she did when she was neglected. I honestly dont have any expert advice, because of the distance. I hope I helped and didnt just state the obvious.