Expert: RITA - 6/1/2004

Question
Dear Rita,
Hi, thanks for taking the time out to read my question. I need some advice from a neutral person. the situation is this, I started dating and was very fond of this female who had just come out of a horrible 5 year relationship. I sort of pursued her for 2 years and didn't even know that she had broken up with the ex, but, she then called me and wanted to get involved. Everything was great for about 37 days, and then with no indication of trouble to me she asked for space. She said her ex's mother called her and she started remembering all the good times with his family and also her youngest daughter was crying and asking for the ex, which caused her grief. she said she needs to find herself, she is now 35 and was widowed at 23, her husband died of cancer, and she has had nothing but horrible relationships since then, never a good one. she stated i was the most wonderful man she ever met and she was crazy about me,she gave cards, ect. i feel such rage that she would play with me and then just drop a bombshell like that on me. everyone from her family and friends stated how happy she looked and acted with me. she always stated that she wants a good man,but, now she can't handle it ( she states she's not there yet). I constantly asked her during the relationship if she was sure of what she was getting into , ect, and she stated yes. I just feel so hurt that after all the things she's stated that her ex. did to her that she would do this to me. She is also going in this Wed. for a historectomy and i know these types of procedures can upset women. Do you think i should keep hope up for a possible reconcialiation or give up?
Thanking you in advance for your time !

Answer
Dear James;
First of all, what's with all the rage, dear? You need to give this woman her space, and without any type of attitude. You knew she was  just getting out of a relationship, and the rest of her past sounds tragic, so give her a break. She obviously needs to be on her own for awhile before getting involved with you, however badly in the beginning she wanted it.
We women (actually I think everybody is this way)are funny that way, we know what we want, but if the past has let us down before, once we get a good thing going, we just sort of "dump" the good things cause were so used to the bad...do you understand what I'm saying?
She needs  time to get over her relationship, and 37 days is not enough time for anyone who's been in a long term relationship,...she didn't mess with your feelings intentionally, she's just is a bit confused and needs time to reassess her life and the direction she wants it to go... okay? Just give her time and understanding...Take care