Expert: Sam E - 6/5/2007

Question
QUESTION: I just recently celebrated my 4 year anniv. with my fiance. We have a beautiful 2 year old together and were planning a second. This is why it was heart dropping when I received last moths cell phone bill only to see that he has been calling a certain number (incoming & outgoing) several times a day! IT MAY NOT SOUND LIKE MUCHM..BUT HE HAS A HISTORY!.....Let me explain.....I have found on several occassions phone numbers of different women... Once i asked him about a particular # he said it was a male friend, come to find out it was a female. he has on several occassions "disappeared" for 2 or 3 hours (supposidly running errands that should be fairly quick). I once found a used condom in the garbage after coming home from work (he said he used it to masterbate)....sorry. He has lied to me on several occassions about where he's been (more so, he "forgets" to tell me or conviently leaves out such destination. The phone number that he is calling to now is a person registered on his cell as " Nick", so I'd think it was a male, when in fact it's a female ( I know cause I called the #). And he has been deleting the call history...but only that number! I'm pretty sure it's a women he works with, which makes it so much worse because i know he sees her almost everyday. I want to confront him, but want to make sure I have enough evidence that he's up to no good, so I'm waiting for this months bill to come in and I'm taking notes on all his outings (as well as mine) so I can cross reference. I adore this man with all my soul and it kills me that he is deceiving me this way....especially after asking me to have another baby!!! is there anything that i can do to gather more evidence? he hasn't changed in any way towards myself or our son....does this sound like a cheating man to you?? Please...i need someones advise soon.

ANSWER: It certainly sounds like he may be up to his old tricks. You don’t hide anything unless you are doing something you don’t want someone to find out about! Just gather the evidence and than confront him with it. Or tail him for awhoile See where he goes. Don't let on that you think anything! maybe come home early one day.  If you know he is lying to you (saying it’s a guy ) than you will know that he is up to no good! He has a history of cheating (yes I think the condom was NOT for masturbating) and I can say that once a cheater is caught and got away with it, they usually will do it again! I think he is up to his old tricks and you probably should think about what you want to do when you find out he is at it again.
Please write me anytime!
Sam

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Sam....I confronted him. he swears that he isn't DOING anything with the women, but I let him know that his accions are unacceptable and I would'nt tolerate anymore. If I find out he is deceiving me or hiding things from me in any way....I will leave him. He seemed to understand that i am serious and promised to never let it happen again. We'll see.....I was wondering though....Should I confront this women, I mean she knows he is married, and has seen me. I want to let her know that I know what is going on and that if she had any self respect, she wouldn't bother with a married man....who by the way will not be leaving his wife to be with her. What do you think Sam?

Answer
Of course he isn’t going to come clean. Most men wont (even if you have proof in hand)! Be on guard.
Yes you can confront her. Be the lady! Calming tell her you know what’s up and she should probably  should leave your husband alone. She may have some more information to what is going on so remain calm and listen.
Sam