Expert: Don - 8/20/2007

Question
um...well I've been with my boyfriend since I was about 14, so that's just over 4 years. As you'd expect we've had ups and downs and he's admitted his wrongdoings in the past as have I, and the last few months were literally HEAVEN. And then last month my period didn't come and I told him to prepare for the possibility that I could be pregnant. He was supportive and understanding but didn't really know what to say about it so we decided that we would go see a doctor and talk about once we knew for sure. The day we were due to see a doctor i went to grab his wallet out of his gear bag and found a 2nd phone, and after checking the contacts and messages i realised he was cheating on me. As you'd expect I flew off the handle, demanded to be taken home and eventually started asking him all the questions you'd expect. He met this girl at church, it'd been going on for about 3 months, all they did was talk, he didn't love her, he never slept with her, the most they did was kiss, and he barely ever got to see her anyway because of juggling his time between work, me and his family. 3 weeks later...he's apologised repeatedly, told me how much i meant to him and that he regrets what he did etc etc. We are still kind of together...but I'm really really confused...I don't know whether i love him anymore. He's my best friend and i care about him...but i don't think of him like i used to. I really don't know what to do, or where to go from here. And it actually makes me quite...disgusted, that even though he knew i could be pregnant he still didn't end it with her. I haven't forgiven him or anything, but I haven't turned my back on him yet. He really wants to try and work things out, and he knows things won't be the same. Im not in love with him anymore because im so hurt it's hard to really feel something like that again. But if there was anything i really valued about the relationship it was it's strength and endurance. 4 years of building up a trusted relationship went out the window...is it really worth staying? even if he says he's going to change and treat me better and promises to never do it again?

Answer
If you really feel that you aren't in love with him anymore, then I say there is no point in staying in the relationship.

The two of you can remain friends without being in a relationship together. It's obviously that you seem to not really trust him anymore and the fact that you aren't in love with him should tell you that your relationship can never be the same again.

What you should do is take a little time apart from him and see if you still feel that you don't love him. Take a break in the relationship and give yourself some time to get your thoughts together so you can decide if being with him is what you really want.

I hope this helped and good luck.