Expert: Sam E - 3/29/2007

Question
I have an almost fairytale relationship. My fiancee has numerous great qualities. He is great around kids, thoughtful and caring (more mushy than I am!) friendly, has a good work ethic, shares my beliefs, is working hard in school to be a doctor and etc. If I had to be brutally honest, I would say the only things that bother me about him is that he is not a super attractive guy (he is a bit overweight) and he is very disorganized and sloppy. He is a handsome person, but not the athletic alpha male, KWIM?

We have been engaged for 2.5 years and our wedding date is set one year from now. This is due to school and finances or we would have married much sooner. We don't live together and we haven't had sex through a mutual choice. I have felt completely in love with him and ready to be married asap up until one year ago.

Here's what happened: I got a promotion and was transferred to another company. Stereotypically, I find myself having to work long hours with a male co-worker on several projects. For almost 7 months straight, we shared the same work schedule, same lunch schedule, etc. He is living with a girlfriend of two years. Anyways, I never thought twice about anything because I felt so devoted to my fiancee. After a few more months of this, however, I find my feelings changing. Everything is very confusing to me. I do not want to cheat on my fiancee, I do not want to break up our engagement. But I find myself drawn to this coworker. I am beginning to think I am in love with two people.

What I am looking for, and finding hard to find, is a good picture of how this typically plays out. I am interested in some guidance on how to make this decision. Should I date the coworker? Just quite work and never look back? I am worried about having "what if" regrets if I just grin and bear it and get married. But I am worried that this whole situation is simply frivolous feelings that will end up ruining my good relationship.

Answer
Well it sounds like you are not ready to be in any type of relationship. I would really think about this!  You are committed to a woman right now so asking another woman out is not acceptable and you are asking for trouble. If you feel this strongly than its time to break it off with your fiancé. Than after a few weeks ask this co-worker out .
Yes you are taking a risk but it sure beats cheating. If it doesn’t work out with the co-worker you may be able to get back into your fiance’s arms again. If you cheat you may end up losing both of them forever!
You can also find a new job and go into some counseling with your current lover. You may just be getting cold feet. Remember that when you marry that is forever and the “what if’s” will always be there. That is true for everyone, but being in a relationships means making scarifies. Putting them before us. You may not be ready to settle down. Maybe you need to run a muck for awhile. That’s okay too, just don’t do that while you are with someone.
Sit down and really think things out. Pro’s and con’s!
Hope this helps,
Sam