Expert: Don - 5/9/2007

Question
I can't believe it, but I am still pissed about this!!!  This is very complicated.  I am divorced now but started seeing my current girlfriend back when I was married.  Yes, I cheated for various reasons.  My then-wife was a gambling addict and barfly who stated her intentions of not wanting the marriage.  Approximately 1 month into dating this girl, I filed for divorce.  

My girlfriend and I went on various trips and spent as much time as we could together.  I still lived with my wife (even through the divorce).  I could not afford to move out and pay for her mortgage.  Approximately 3 months into dating, my girlfriend had a one night stand with another guy.  She did not disclose this to me until about 1 year later.  There was a time in-between that I broke up with her and put my divorce on hold to work things out with my wife.  This was mainly for the kids.  It lasted for about 2 months until I refiled.  My girlfriend and I got back together not long thereafter.  

To make a long story short, I am still (2 years later) incredibly pissed about her cheating on me.  Do I have right?  I had several chances to cheat on her but chose not to.  I really, really struggled with that.  I do have revenge in my blood.  My friends think that I am ridiculous that I still think about this.  They quickly point out that technically I was still married.  She is quick to point that out also.  She uses that and drinking as an excuse for cheating in the first place.  

Have any ideas or suggestions to move on?  I really love her but can't get past this.  On average, I waste a day a week still starting arguments about it.  

Answer
If you really want to be with this woman, and want the relationship to work, I suggest you move on. Because evidentially she'll get tired of you picking arguments with her about her cheating and she'll be ready to leave you for somebody else.

You have no right to get mad for a few reasons, first off you were married at the time, so if anybody was wrong it was you. How can you get mad at her for sleeping with somebody else when you had a wife at home. Get real my friend, that has to be the most absurd thing of all time.

Secondly you basically broke up with her to give your wife another try, do you think that made your girlfriend feel good about herself?

The answer to suggestions on how to move on is simple, if you don't want to lose your girlfriend over something silly like this, let it go my friend. Ask yourself what's stronger your feelings for her, or you feelings about what she did.

If you love her as much as you claim you love her, the answer should be easy.

I hoped this helped and good luck