Expert: RITA - 6/28/2004

Question
I had a boyfriend for a year and a half who cheated on his previous girlfriends. Knowing this, I thought he was bound to cheat on me. Eventually in our long-distant relationship things became sour and I vered away and cheated on him. It was serveral months later that we broke up and the question was asked if he messed around when we were dating.Come to find out that he was faithful and I was not. The long distant relationship that I am now is serious to the point of marriage, I recently fooled around on him for the first time. I feel HORRIBLE and can not bear to tell him. How can I come to grips with what I did and not to do it again. I know the man that I am with now wouldn't even think of doing what I did.  

Answer
Hello Mel
And thank you for your question, here is my answer...
Before you go and get married you need to do some deep soul searching as to why you are finding it hard to stay faithful to one person...are you afraid of committment and do this as a way of sabotaging your relationships?? Do you feel as though someone might be better for you than the one you are dating..?? These are just some questions that you need to look deep within yourself, and answer. Getting counseling wouldn't hurt either, because your self respect is low and you are punishing yourself too much.

By the way, telling your boyfriend what you did would be a mistake, only because you are trying to relieve your guilt and by dumping it on him you think you will feel better, but he won't! And if you plan on doing it again, do him a favor and break it off...it's not fair to him or you for that matter, but if you plan on staying faithful, just put it behind you and go on with life, guilt only makes you feel bad, and and reminds you what you did...but it really is of no help, so let it go and do the right thing next time the situation comes up..take care and I hope this helps