Expert: Sam E - 7/1/2007

Question
Hi
I am writing to see if you can shed some light on partners behaviour.
My partner and I have been together for about 6 and a half years. We now live separately due to past problems and I now see him on the weekends. This has been going on for about 2 years. Recently he told me he wants me to get on with his life yet wants to remain friends. My understanding is he wants to go and do what ever he does for 6 days of the week and I see him on the 7th day. I find it hard to accept that he may be sleeping with other women and then me having to rock up on the Sunday and just accept that he may have been up to no good the night before. He says he loves me and we still sometimes sleep with eachother yet he says he doesnt want to sit here during the week and waste his life away waiting for me to come and see him one day per week. Yet he thinks I am silly for not accepting him doing "his own thing". He keeps telling me to get on with my life and dont worry about what he is doing.Apparently not that he is doing anything or has any plans to do anything. What do you think he is really saying. DO you think he is letting me down gently. Do you think he wants to go out and be with other women now. Do you think he is cheating and hasnt got the balls to tell me knowing he would deeply hurt me. Yet only a few months ago he wanted to be with me all the time and missed me when I went home for the week. Some times he does re-invent himself with haircuts and dressing nicer than other times but he has always done this and has really always had eratic behaviour since Ive met him. But I dont know if I am being paranoid or am I really feeling that something is not quite right here. His mentality has shifted from behaving as if we are in a partnership to a single mans life. I am not sure what to make of all this. Maybe because you are of male gender, you may see more clearly what you think may be going on.
Alyson

Answer
Telling you that he wants to break up is a pretty clear sign that he doesn’t want to be with you anymore! What more do you want him to say? This relationship is obviously over and whether or not he misses you from time to time is irrelevant. He is using you for sex and doesn’t want to really have a committed relationship with you.  Is this really want you want in relationship? If not, move on. I don’t know what more to say to you. He is using you and stringing you along. Cut the ties and run! Don’t settle for this. If a guy loves you, it won’t hurt, it won’t be confusing, and he will want to spend every minute he can with you! The time you are wasting o this guy, you could be with the man who is "the one"!
Sam