Expert: Sara - 5/31/2005

Question
Before i start i just wanted to clarify OUR definition of cheating:no kissing, touching, screwing, ect.My girlfriend and i have been together for 8 months.  I have always been faithful to her and i thought she had always been faithful to me.  But 2 days ago she said that she made out with another guy.  and then later that week she did it agiain, right before i blew $500 so i could take her to her lame ass prom.  I felt betrayed but i also thought that it could have been worse.  Right now we are still together but taking sum time apart for like 2 weeks.  we have very strong feelings for each other.  More so than most couple our age(im 19).  we have plans of going to college together and starting a life but i dunno if its right anymore.  She promised me that she would never do it again and that it was a one-time thing.  she said the hardest part was seeing the way i was hurt.  i dont give anybody second chances but i wanna give her one because i love her.  is that the right thing to do?

Answer
Hi Rob. I think that you guys are doing the right thing by taking some time apart and thinking about what it is you really want. The only thing that's bothering me is why she felt she needed to cheat on you twice. I know that she said that she would never do it again, and it may be true, but you have to be very careful. She may just be feeling some pressure about finishing high school and starting college and this is the only way she knows on how to deal with it. She may just be acting out all of her stress in an unhealthy way. You need to talk to her and ask her what's really wrong and what you can do to help. If you really feel that this realtionship is worth saving, then do so. My advice is to just try talking to her. Maybe the two of you can figure out what to do to help. Good luck Rob. Feel free to write again. I'm here to help.
Sara.