Expert: Don - 6/27/2007

Question
Hello!

Well I'll try to make this shot & sweet. I was in a relationship with my "First love" for a year and a half. We were immediatly attracted to one another. We spent alot of time together doing activities that don't involve sex basically getting to know one another. After about 4 months we finally had sex. We had sex almost every single day for hours sometimes and after we'd lay in the bed cuddling and talking. He told me he wanted to marry me and have 2 kids. He ended up moving out of state actually very far away from where we lived. We kept in touch by phone or aol. I gave him about 6 months to come back to me and he kept telling me he was but I gave up on it. I ended up moving on to my fiance whom we've been together for 5 years now. What I want to know is well when I broke up with my ex he told me he'd cheated on me. Why would any man want to cheat if they were getting sex every single day... I for one always am into trying new things so it's not like the sex is boring... I mean isn't that every man's dream having a woman who wants to satisfy their every need? And why would I still miss him and want to know how he is after all of these years? My only guess is to have "closure". What do you think? Please help me know why he cheated...and why do I still have feelings for him? Thanks!!

Answer
Okay just because a guy is getting sex from his girlfriend everyday doesn't mean that's enough. Some guys like a change from time to time, so even though they may be getting all the sex they want from their girl and she may be willingly to try anything it's still not the same as having sex with a completely new person. With a new person it's a totally new experience.

He more than likely cheated because a lot of men are insecure, they see sex as a way of validating themselves, if they can find a lot of different women to have sex with them, it makes them feel good about themselves because it lets them know they are desirable, and wanted.

You still have feelings for him because he was your first love and your first love will always hold a special place in your heart no matter how long you are broken up. A part of you will always love him because he was the first person you gave your heart to, and that's something special.

You probably also have feelings because you didn't get any closure from the relationship. The two of you didn't break up because you didn't love each other or want to be with each other, you were forced to break up because he had to move away. So since you didn't really want to break up but still had to your feelings are still out there. You didn't get a chance to end the relationship on your own terms so your feelings still exist.

I hope this helped and good luck.