Expert: RITA - 11/18/2004

Question
I called My beatyfull wife on the cell phone on a day I was in need to hear her voice. She responded by saying "why are u being nice to me?" I didn't understand, but surely i knew that was unusual. Something was wrong that nite I went back home. I saw her dancing with her cousin, too close for comfort i tell u. She acted up strange like she was hiding something. To my dismay, an answer came from the most unusual place, just because of the source it hurted more than just an affair. My 6 year old daugther told me about her cheating with a really good friend  of ours. I played the game, but my wife was trying to b very nice to me. Althought her efforts to make me forget about anything unusual, Her actions were quite different from what she was. I came with a story of a girl who said what u dont know it dont hurt. ANd she had the audacity to tell me the same. she was protecting this guy from me. For 5 days one nite i said, that if she feels that this guy is more important than I, I will not stick around to be an obstacle. after a very dramatic suicide stage that she put up to make me feel pitty for her i left. I was putting gas in the gas station and to my dismay she was rigth there. She finally told me who he was. I didn't know she called her family and told em all that i left her. Everyone jumped to the conclusion that i left her for another woman. So i saw everyone there ready to kill me. and my wife finally told me as i was trying to leave. In that moment where nobody was around she told me the she cheated on me with our friend. This Guy is a convicted child molester. a charmer a guy that goes w everyone he can (ugly women cause they r a easy score)and for my wife to throw herself at him. I told her as i was crying from the beating that i just received, that Our dugther is the one who told me that.

The details i asked her afterwards were quite surprising as i was in a state of shock and bleeding in the cold and snow. She confessed that she was already desiring him for a week. He made her feel special. and that nite he showed she didn't think twice bout opening the door. So talking and then she threw herself at him. the kids were sleep at least My dauther seemed to be so. I forgave her in av ery dramtic scene where the phone did not work for me. Next day she was talking bout this movie of a woman with two husbands. Then she said that she is going wild. and that she is looking for a wild experience so she came up with a two some idea. I was discusted. I asked her to stay with him and to let me go, but she wouldn't. She apologised.
I took her apology, then in other instance a week later she tells me how she hates him. but mentions how she was looking for him to fullfill her. I was ready for a divorce rith there. She even asked me to take the kids. i said divorce is what u wnat divorce is what u will get.

She called me back and she started crying sayign how come I am her life and her world, but i told her "U have no problem throwing yourself at some other man. what can u say bout that."

eventually I forgaver her again, but i am still on the edge of this whole ordeal. Later she told me that she has two personalities and that i should forgiver her anyways. What should i do.

I am still with her, but everyday i ask was her feeling for him stranger than for mine. I feel like the consolation prize.

Franz

Answer
Well, I don't know what to say to you other than my heart goes out to you during this time in your life
Your wife should seek some type of help or counseling if she is truly interested in saving your marriage. And if she isn't willing to go to a therapist, you should tell her that it won't work otherwise. You should go even if she doesn't because it will help.
You have a daughter together, and that is the only reason I won't tell you to leave her...but if it continues I would  take the daughter and leave...especially if she's allowing a child molester to be around her at all...she's not using her head at all when it comes to her childs saftely first!!
I hope you seek some help professionally...it will help you get through this..
take care