Expert: Ini Obong - 1/11/2005

Question
I was married for 5 years and while I was married my husband cheated on me. I have been divorced 3 years now and am now ready to date. I have gone out a few times but I don't seem to be able to get past the fact that the people I am dating are going to cheat on me. How do you get back into having a healthy relationship were you constantly think they are cheating even when they are not? I need help. I have met this really nice guy and am worried that my fears will destroy our relationship.

Answer
Hi there,

I really feel for you.

From the tone of your mail u seem an emotional wreck but there is still hope for you.

The first question is why did your husband cheat. Either is an unfaithful person or you were never there for him when he needed you.

The reason why you still feel they will cheat on you is because you feel inadequate and this is because there is too much ambiguity and assumption.

Now here is a solution.

Have a heart to heart talk with this new and really nice  guy and you dont need to tell him about your past experience. Just let him know how much you care about him and how much you appreciate him Then tell him your EXPECTATIONS FROM THE RELATIONSHIP ie what you wish to offer and what you hope to get from the relationship.

I believe this would help develop understanding and reduce doubts.

I wish you all the best and let me know how it goes

Good luck