Expert: Bruce D. Frank - 10/7/2007

Question
I just found out my bf of 2 years cheated on me by his own admission. He went away on a solo trip, which I was totally against from the beginning. He was adamant about it because I recently went on a trip solo. The thing is, things haven't been great with us because of some issues between us. The other day, I felt we should break up because of our differences, but then I changed my mind and wanted to work it out. At that point, I guess the guilt got to him and that's when he told me. I just couldn't believe it(still having a hard time accepting it)! I was crying and HE was crying (something i've never seen or heard him do) and he was asking for my forgiveness and hoped we could work it out. I feel so stupid, but i told him we could work things out(i have told him if he ever cheated I wouldn't forgive him). When i thought we were going to break up, it felt like my heart was being ripped to shreds and then I get the kicker, I was in total shock! I guess what I want to know is, can relationships ever recover from this? I should hate him, but i don't. I just feel this deep deep sadness. Yet I still see him in my life as we have shared so much.

Answer
When it comes to society's standards you should hate him.  But, if you truly love him you may never hate him.  Really, that should not be in question.  The decision that you have to make is whether or not you can stay with him and cope with his indiscretion.  The thing that you have to know is that you may be able to forgive him, but you will never be able to forget.  Because of this, you need to make a decision regarding if you will be able to love him completely without bringing this up every time you have an argument.  If you do not think you can get over it and move on... you should let him know.