AboutPamela Enders Expertise I can answer all questions related to the mental game of cheerleading including how to manage or eliminate mental blocks; how to mentally prepare for tryouts and competitions; how to understand and manage conflict on on squads; anything related to the psychology of cheerleading and coaching.
Experience I am a sports psychology coach and have been a psychologist for 30 years. I am on the faculty of Harvard Medical School. I have a blog called www.confidentcheerleadingblog.com. I have created a training program called The Mental Game of Cheerleading: Training for Competitions and I am working on several other programs and a book. I will be a featured presenter at the CheerCon Conference in May, 2009.
Education/Credentials I have a Ph.D. in psychology and have been a psychologist for 30 years.
Question A friend and I are coaching a pee-wee rec cheering squad. First and foremost we are moms who took over the squad because no one else would step up. We grew the squad from 4 girls to 15. We found 3 assistant coaches who are wonderful (two all-star cheerleaders and one who used to cheer in high school). My co-coach and I have always felt that we were set up by the director to fail, but have persevered. We have no unity with the other squad on our team and our little ones (ages 4-9) seem to get the short end of the stick all the time (ie. no money for poms so we'll have to do without, uniforms that don't fit, etc). Anytime we express concern or disagreement with the direction that the team is going we are told "Well, you can't please everyone". We have tried working with the new directors, but they seem more concerned with making their squad look good that our girls get the left out in the cold. The five coaches met over the weekend and discussed starting our own team where the parents have a say and we all work as a unit. Our current team is a competition rec squad. Do you think that it is wise to leave now and try our own squad or would we be better to finish out the season and start frest next year? If we do start fresh, what steps do we need to take to ensure that it will be a successful venture. The parents are clueless as to the majority of the problems with this team.
Answer Dear Lynn,
First, congratulations on your success in growing the squad and in finding good coaches! Your girls are lucky to have you on board.
It certainly sounds like your situation is uncomfortable. Not knowing all the details, I am left with having to fill in some of the blanks so I will respond the best I can with the info I have.
Here are some questions and points for you to consider:
1. How have you approached the directors? Is it possible that you did so with an “attitude” that provoked a certain kind of negative response? (This can happen to all of us. If we are fed up or anxious, we can unwittingly communicate things we really don’t want to convey!)
2. Oftentimes the people we go to for help are overwhelmed, inexperienced, or simply inept. This can lead to unhelpful responses such as “you can’t please everyone.” A way to approach the directors is to state the problem in an objective nonjudgmental way and then suggest some solutions. This helps the helper to be helpful! (Ok, maybe you’ve done this already.)
3. The clearer you are about what it is you want, the easier it will be to communicate your request and to have it granted. Come armed with alternative suggestions.
4. If the situation is really untenable then perhaps the only solution is to start your own thing. I do not know what repercussions there would be for you in doing so.I do not know what the repercussions would be for you doing so now versus next year. I assume you and your coaches have thought this through already? The pros and cons? The details such as where, when and how? The financial implications?
5. If you do decide this is the way to go, I would suggest you do so in a gracious respectful way. You would need to meet with the directors of the rec program and say something like, “As you know we took on the job of starting the pee wee squad and have successfully grown it to 15 cheerleaders plus have added 3 wonderful coaches. Over time we have asked you for help in the following areas (list these). It seems that it’s hard for our requests to be granted and this has made our job very difficult. (Do not blame!) Because of this, we have considered leaving (name of rec facility) and starting our own squad. We want to make this transition as smoothly as possible so this is what we are proposing. (Provide your transition plan.)
6. Now, when you do this, the director(s) might try to talk you into staying. You must make it clear that you are not proposing this as a threat or an ultimatum but rather as an expression of your concern and a hope for a better situation. You could then ask what the director might propose. It is here that you might have some leverage in finally getting what you want. You might decide to stay for the rest of the year to see how things go with the plan that you can start fresh somewhere else next year.
7. The parents do not need to know the details of your problems with the directors. This would set up a “taking sides” battle which you do not want.
8. Always take the high road!
Hope this helps! Please let me know how it goes. And check out my blog for tips and info in the mental game of cheerleading – http://www.confidentcheerleadingblog.com
