Expert: Pamela Enders - 1/24/2010

Question
During the summer of 2009 I started attending tumbling classes at this allstar team and in  November of 2009 I registered to be in this allstar team just because all the coaches would always ask me to join and because I really wanted to be in an allstar team. I always guessed they wanted me to join becauseo of my tumbling because I'm pretty close to my backhandspring. I also thought that they would want to make me a flyer because I'm really small infact I'm the smallest out of all the girls in the team, and also because I would tell the coach all my experiences as a flyer in my high school cheerleading team. When I finally get to the team they started putting me as a frontspot because they didn't have enough stunt groups and I understood first come first serve rule. Well recently 1 of the flyers broke her leg and needed a replacement. Instead of me they put in a girl that was on the team last year so it really didn't bother me except that I've always been there and actually show interest. 3 other people registered for the team so that meant I can finally get a stunt group but ohhh no I e of the girls is a flyer so they made her a flyer and still left me out. They even wanted me to base her I tried, but not only is she like twice my weight she's also taller than me. But still the girl stayed as a flyer even though she doesn't have her bow  and arrow, heel stretch, and scorpion also apparently her twist up. As a flyer I know how to do almost all of those except a bow and arrow but I'm even closer than her. I just don't get it my coach did t even bother asking me if I knew how to do those things instead she asked the new flyer that doesn't even know how to do the stunts. What ever happened to the first come first serve rule. I think I waited enough time. What should I do?

Answer
Dear Angelica,

Thanks for writing!

It can really hurt when you are not chosen for what you want most – especially if you think it is unfair.

You asked me what you should do, so here goes!

First, I would gently suggest that you be careful in jumping to conclusions.  Please step back from the situation and try to view it with a cool head and as objectively as possible.  This isn’t easy when you are hurt and angry, I know, but please give it a try.

Okay.  Unless you have spoken directly with the coaches, you really have no idea why someone else was chosen over you.  It is possible the coaches had their reasons which – to them – seemed like good reasons but of course, to you, it just looks like they are being unfair.

It sure sounds like you are talented and skilled and that you work hard so it seems mysterious that they did not choose you, right?  Even so, they had their reasons which may be quite different from the reasons you are concluding.

I would suggest that you make an appointment with the coaches to discuss the situation.  You have to be careful how you approach it – be sure you take the high road!

When you meet with the coaches, you could say something like this:

“Coach – someday I would really love to be a flyer. I have worked hard on my skills and I can already do a heel stretch, a scorpion and am getting better with my bow and arrow. I have to admit that I was disappointed when XXX(whatever her name was) was promoted to a flyer.  Can I ask if there is a reason why she was chosen and not me? I had hoped it would be me!  Can you tell me what else I might do so that I can be a flyer someday?”

Notice that your tone in this conversation is very adult.  You are not accusing or angry.  You are stating the facts and asking a good question.

Remember, nonverbal behavior is communication, too!  If you are walking around, looking mad, they will notice.  (I have no idea if this is the case, of course.)  Coaches like cheerleaders who are upbeat, good team-mates, helpful, and good communicators. This is a great time to show   them all these qualities in addition to the technical skills you possess!

I hope this was helpful.  Please let me know how it goes.

In the meantime, check out my blog which is loaded with all sorts of tips and info on the mental game of cheerleading.

Cheers!

Dr. Pam
The Mental Game of Cheerleading
http://www.confidentcheerleadingblog.com
http://www.confidentcheerleading.com