Expert: Catherine Beier MS CBE - 7/11/2009

Question
I am scared of giving birth to a child. Why? Because i know
it hurts a LOT. I am in collage right now, and i am not
planning on having one soon but this is a thought that
torments me in my sleep. I will probably want to have a
child, or my future partner will. It will hurt a lot though.
I know it will. When i think of this i cry. I am not a
coward (or maybe i am). I need help. Is there anything i can  
do to make birth giving not so painful when i am pregnant
(which will probably be in 5 years or so)? Is there some way
i can stop crying about this?

Answer
Brooke,

You're doing the right thing by acknowledging your fears now and seeking guidance.


It sounds like you are truly suffering from tokophobia - or an irrational fear of childbirth.   This type of phobia is not likely to go away without seeking professional help - you can start by talking to your doctor about your fears and getting a referral to a therapist who can help you through these issues.


The best help I can give you is to tell you that you are completely wrong that childbirth is always painful.


I have had two children and absolutely no pain with either of them - and I had them both completely naturally.


Because you have convinced yourself that childbirth is excruciatingly painful, you will have to unlearn these fears about childbirth.  Remember, a phobia is an irrational fear, not one based on reality.


By learning that fear about birth causes tension - and tension causes pain.  If you can eliminate your fears, you can have a much more comfortable birth by staying relaxed so your body can birth as it was designed to do.


Thankfully, there are several childbirth education programs which will teach you these skills.  I strongly recommend you look into either Hypnobabies (www.hypnobabies.com) or Hypnobirthing (www.hypnobirthing.com).  Both have self-study courses you can complete at home if an instructor is not available in your area.


You can learn how to work through your fears and teach yourself to remain comfortable and relaxed during birth so that you don't experience pain.


It is also helpful to read the positive birth stories of other women who've also had pain-free births - it is more common than you think.  You can read many of them at http://www.givingbirthnaturally.com/birth-diaries.html


I would encourage you to start learning these techniques and seeking help sooner than later if these fears are actually interfering with your sleep.  


Just remember that a comfortable birth is indeed possible - I've done it twice.



Best,
Catherine