Expert: Victoria Hamilton - 7/21/2009

Question
Hi, I have 2 female Chinese exchange students staying with me for a few weeks. They brought a plethora of gifts upon arrival, two of which seemed very personal and sentimental (one's childhood writing pens and one's hand mirror given to her by her father when she was young# and then, tonight, cooked #and paid for# a lovely dinner for my family and some close friends of ours---we have thanked them profusely and we insisted on cleaning up #although we had to send them away about 10 times). One more point - when they started giving me their gifts upon arrival, my 6 yr. old daughter kept taking them from me. I am wondering a few things --
1) Should I have accepted the very sentimental gifts?
2) Did they keep giving me gifts because my daughter kept taking them from me?
3) Should I give them a gift in return?
4) My friends would like to give the girls a little thank you gift for including them in the meal they cooked - what might be appropriate. Thanks for ANY info you can give!!!

Answer
Hello Linda,

What a lovely question to receive. I think it's very sweet and kind of you to want to buy them something in return for their kind gestures.

Firstly, their parents will have stocked them up with gifts to give you as that is their culture. They can be very kind when visiting friends/strangers houses etc so don't be too overwhelmed by this. I can understand how you were probably taken aback by the type of gifts they gave you however.

1)In Chinese culture you accept the gifts people give you even if they seem very extravagant. However you need to do something pretty grand in return! There always seems to be a catch somewhere! I'm not saying this is the case with your exchange students, but just to make you aware of Chinese gift culture. On the other hand I have a chinese friend who is always so generous with gifts and expects absolutely nothing in return.

2)I doubt very much they kept giving you more because your daughter took them. They will have understood that. I don't think this is the reason. They came with a set amount they wanted to give you and they know your daughter isn't 'taking them', merely 'borrowing' them!!!

3)Yes! This does not necessarily have to be something they can hold. It could be for instance taking them to a place that they wouldnt be able to go to otherwise, like a shopping trip, or a theme park, or to the theatre.

4)Your friends are of course very welcome to give them something as a thank you. I have noticed that when Chinese return to China after a trip abroad, they always buy perfumes and chocolates...brands they cannot get in China for example. By the way, which country are you in?

Hope this helps a little...any other questions, please write to me!

Victoria.