Expert: Elaine - 8/23/2007

Question
QUESTION: My siser is hosting a baby shower for me and I am not sure that my husbands sisters'know that it is for women only (no kids).  I want to politely convey through email to my mother in law that no kids are invited and ask her to pass it on, like like an FYI type statement. How can I state this with out sounding mean or offensive ?  I do not want my own sister to have to pay for the kids nor do we want any children at the shower. Thanks

ANSWER: Hi Kim,

Thank you for your message. Please accept my apologies, I have been overseas on conference and only just returned.
I am not qualified really to answer this, as I only do Baby Gender Planning, choosing the sex of your next baby, but I can say this:
On the invitation, add a little line: NB: Please note - no children will be catered for or attending this function/meeting/gathering only adults will be attending. Thank you for your understanding, we appreciate it.

I hope this helps, it is out of my expertise, but I hope this helps:-) I wish you and your sister everything of the best and hope it runs smoothly :-)

Please feel free to look at my website which explains how I go about choosing the sex of your baby.
If you have any queries, please just let me know.

Thank you once again for your question.

Best Regards

BABY GENDER CHOOSING
http://www.reflections.co.ls

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks, we have already sent out the invitations, any chance you can forward this onto someone else who is maybe more qualified ?  Thanks again.

Answer
Hi Kim,

Here are some ideas I picked off the various sites for you to get an idea. :-)
Hope it helps:

Generally if the invitation is addressed just to the woman, it's understood not to bring the children. You can also let people know when they call to RSVP.

http://www.allaboutshowers.com/board/dosearch.php

Below are other mothers advice:

Hello Ladies,

I am an avid fan of this board and have used many of the suggestions and great ideas for several showers I have hosted. I am planning a shower for a good friend that I work with. She and her husband are finally expecting after 7 years of infertility. I had been working hard to make the shower extra special. Because I live about 45 minutes away from the MTB, one of the other girls I work with is going to have the shower at her home while I am bring the all of the food and goodies, the tableware, drinks, diaper cake, corsages, etc.

I discussed with the MTB if she wanted everyone to bring their children to the shower or if we should specify "Babies in arms or carriers welcome" The MTB said that she would rather limit the child attendees to just babies as the group of ladies we would be inviting all have kids ages newborn -7yrs. and it wouldn't be fair to have some older kids and not all. I left this choice up to her.

I've mailed out the invitations and posted one at our work place with a sign up sheet (as is customary for our workplace.) I've heard back that some of the girls at work are "upset" that only babies are welcome and now they say they won't be coming. We have had showers in the past for other so-workers and it wasn't difficult for them to find child care arrangement (This is off the subject, but why is it when a man watched his children it is babysitting??!!) I really think the problem is that they really don't want to attend and are just using it as an excuse not to come.

I called the MTB just to see how she is doing. I had to leave a message to give me a call. She is already aware if the "complaint". I just want to get her take on the issue and make sure she is OK with it. If people want to be there and support the MTB, than they will show up and it won't be a problem to find childcare for a few hours on a Saturday afternoon (the shower starts at 1:00pm)

Thanks for letting me vent. I guess I just need a little support or advise from someone who has been in this situation.
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Why not hire some local babysitters to help watch the kids during the shower? This will allow everyone to attend.
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Well today was my friends baby shower and there were three small children there and one baby!!! The children really weren't a problem but that is only because they were outside (which is off the subject) however I do believe that older children should be left home only because the adults will want to socialize and may not pay much attention to their children!!! I say not to spend any extra money on a babysitter those who come will come and those who don't will miss out on all the fun!!!
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i just had 2 baby showers this weekend. the first one was small but they were allowed to bring children unfortunately they were picking the fruit off the trees and throwing them and making a mess in the yard. my friend the hostess had to tell them to clean up and a couple of the kids were running in and tattle taling every chance they got.

however, at my other shower it was no children under 12. so parents were able to visit however there were only 2 babies there(7 mos