Expert: Mel and Guyna Horne - 6/30/2008

Question
QUESTION: I'm 22 y/o. novenber 2007 i recently lost my oldest son at 5 years old and my mother whom was 40 years old. My son was the sweetest little boy whom everyone loved so dearly.
i always thought in my mind that it was ironic that both of
my sons was born on the 12th day(oldest july12/youngest jan 12th). I sometimes think that i was a challenged parent whom always wanted the best for my kids, i feel like i have my own demons at times. At the time i was 16y/o when i had my first child when everyone at the time wanted me to abort him. i refuse to do that. I Know now since i'v gotten older i have more patience. I should of taken more time and focus on him and appreciated what i had then verse him not being here at all. I've talked to God at sometimes to ask him how can i be better at being a young mother whom made alot of mistakes in the past. Is there a reason why my baby is not here with me now that i'm better?

ANSWER: Hi Lakeysha,
    
   It is very hard to lose a loved one.  (We presume that you mean that they both died.) My father died when I was a teen and my mom died about 20 years ago.  I know a man who lost three young children when their mother deserted him and disappeared with them 25 years ago.
   We know a mother who became pregnant due to date rape as a teenager and the parents on both sides wanted her to get an abortion.  She refused and life was very difficult for them, but now the young man is planning his marriage and everyone who knows him is glad that he is in their lives.
   Being a parent is never really easy, especially if one has not had a good family home in which to observe and learn from parents and grandparents, aunts and uncles and their families, or even neighbors.  We require a lot of formal training, testing and licensing  for pilots, doctors, architects and others who's work can affect the health and safety of others.  But no training, testing or licensing is required to become a parent.  And a parent's job is so much more important than any other.  It sounds as though you already understand that now.
 By the time young parents figure how to do things right, the children are often grown and having their own children, even if they are not ready to accept advice from their own parents.

 There are many physical reasons why we lose babies and children.   Too many are abducted because we aren't always there or even in spite of our precautions.  Some are hurt or killed by accidents, sickness or disease.
 Sometimes it is a matter of time and chance (Ecc. 9:10).  Even if we are close to God and praying daily for his protection, genetic diseases in a family line can strike without warning.  That is when we have to ask for healing and look to God fix it, even though we trust doctors to do what they can.
  It never seems fair to the child or its parents for a child to die young.  Its easy to want to blame God because it is convenient and God doesn't usually defend himself.
  We don't have enough information to even speculate why you lost your child.
 God says that there is no curse without a cause (Pro. 26:2).  God can help you to understand the cause if you ask.  It usually takes persistence, fervency (strong feeling), and a willingness to listen even if it is not the answer we want to hear.  God speaks to us through his word, the Bible, through our minds and thoughts as we pray and meditate on his words.  He can also speak through the words of others, sometimes when we least expect it.  Scripture shows several ways that God communicated to his faithful.
 Sometimes things that appear to be a curse, are not.  We can never tell just how things would have worked our "if only".  If only I had been there earlier, or later, or done this or that, or not done this or that, and on and on.  We should study to learn from our mistakes, but we should not let our mistakes cripple us for the rest of our life.
 God also promises not to give us trials beyond what we can handle and the point of some trials to make us stronger (1Cor. 10:13,1Pet. 4:12-13).
 There is a resurrection, in fact there are two (Rev. 20:4-5).
  God and Christ have a different view of death than we do, because they can resurrect anyone from the dead at any time.  Christ knows what that is like firsthand and he and the disciples did it for more than a few in the first century, as examples and proof of the future resurrections.
  No matter when a loved one dies, we can look forward to seeing them again after Christ returns to this earth (1Ths. 4:16).
  In Christ's Kingdom which is partly described in Isa. 65:17-25, we see that the infants and children  who have died prior to his Kingdom, and adults who never had an opportunity for salvation, will be resurrected and allowed to live 100 years (v. 20).  Life in that Kingdom will be far better than any lifetime prior to that.  In that way, your child will be blessed beyond any experience he/she could have had today.
 None of this can heal the pain.  Only time helps us to some extent.  But we can be thankful that God is merciful and will fulfill his promises and we can look forward to seeing all of our loved ones in a better place and a better time than "this present evil world" (Gal. 1:4).

 We hope that this helps in some way.  Feel free to write again if you have further questions.
 Sincerely,
 Mel and Guyna

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank You. Q:In the next life time will i know that he is my son OR will i not know any relationship we had here on earth. Sometimes i thought that i will have some closure if i talked too a physic(whom speaks with the dead, but alot of people tell me not to go that route because of my beliefs in God and Jesus Christ? It's hard to be happy when i feel incomplete, like my life dosen't have a meaning now? what do i do now, do i fake being happy when i'm not happy with myself do i talk to someone that have been though a simular experience i have and also a strong relationship with God? God does talk though people to deliver a message?

Answer
Hi again, Lakeysha,


Regarding psychics, mediums, palm readers, sorcerers, those claiming to speak to the dead, fortune tellers, and those trying or claiming to use magick or witchcraft:
 Throughout scripture, God condemns witchcraft and any attempts to communicate with the spirits of the dead (1Sam. 15:23, Gal. 5:19-21).

Lev. 19:31  "Regard not them that have familiar spirits, neither seek after wizards, to be defiled by them: I am the Lord your God."
Notes: "regard" = To turn and look at.
"them that have familiar spirits" = necromancer, one who tries to call up the dead.

"And the soul that turns after such as have familiar spirits, and after wizards, to go a whoring after them, I will even set my face against that soul, and will cut him off from among his people. Sanctify yourselves therefore, and be you holy: for I am the Lord your God." (Lev. 20:6-7).

"And when they shall say unto you, Seek unto them that have familiar spirits, and unto wizards that peep, and that mutter: should not a people seek unto their God? [rather than] for the living to [seek] the dead?" (Isa. 8:19).

"But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.




Scriptures show us what brings true happiness:

Correction, instruction in righteousness:
 "Behold, happy is the man whom God corrects: therefore despise not you the chastening of the Almighty:" (Job 5:17).
(The rest of this chapter talks about God's deliverance from trials.)

Children:
"Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.
Happy is the man that has his quiver full of them: . . . ." (Psa. 127:3-5).

Living God's way of life:
 "Blessed is every one that fears the Lord; that walks in his ways.
For you shalt eat the labor of your hands: happy shall you be, and it shall be well with you.
Your wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of your house: your children like olive plants round about your table.
Behold, that thus shall the man be blessed that fears the Lord.
The Lord shall bless you out of Zion: and you shall see the good . . .  all the days of thy life.
Yes, you shall see your children's children, and peace . . ." (Psa. 128:1-6).

Wisdom and Understanding:
 "Happy is the man that finds wisdom, and the man that gets understanding." (Pro. 3:13).
She [wisdom] is a tree of life to them that lay hold upon her: and happy is every one that retains her." (Pro. 3:18).

Showing love toward others:
"He that despises his neighbor sins: but he that has mercy on the poor, happy is he." (Pro. 14:21).

Using wisdom and trusting God:
"He that handles a matter wisely shall find good: and whoso trusts in the Lord, happy is he." (Pro. 16:20).

Fear of God (not terror, but a strong aversion to disobey or disappoint our Father):
 "Happy is the man that fears alway: but he that hardens his heart shall fall into mischief." (Pro. 28:14).

Keeping God's law:
  "Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keeps the law, happy is he." (Pro. 29:18).

Following Christ's example:
 "If you know these things, happy are you if you do them." (Jn. 13:17).
"For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you." (v. 15).

Patience:
 "Behold, we count them happy which endure. Ye have heard of the patience of Job, and have seen the end of the Lord; that the Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mercy." (Jas. 5:11).

These are just a few examples; there are more.

Life without a goal or purpose tends to lead us toward depression.

That is why God gave Adam and Eve a job and a goal.  The job was to "dress (work) and keep (protect)" the Garden.  Their goal, and ours, is life in God's Kingdom on the spirit level, beyond the physical.
Tests and trials from God help us to build righteous character (Rom. 8:28, 5:3-5, 1Pet. 1:1-25).  But most of the pain and suffering in the world is the result of wrong choices that we bring upon ourselves or upon one another (Jas. 4:1-10).

It is difficult to suffer loss or to endure hard trials, but God promises to not put anything on us that we cannot endure (1Cor. 10:13).

We realize that the scriptures given above are general statements and it may not readily appear how they apply to your life.  The practical application depends upon you, what you want to do with your life, your choice of responding to God and Christ or not, and the degree of your response (Rev. 3:15).

To make the best choices, it helps to get advice from those who are more knowledgeable than ourselves.  Relying only our own knowledge and experience limits us.
"Hear counsel, and receive instruction, that you may be wise in your latter end." Pro. 19:20.
"The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkens unto counsel is wise." Pro. 12:15.
For by wise counsel you shall make your war [most serious decision]: and in multitude of counselors there is safety." Pro. 24:6.

The fact that you took the time to ask questions of the volunteers at this service shows that you are headed in the right direction.
We wish you well in all your efforts.
If you have further questions about Bible Study, Christian Living or Christian humor, feel free to write anytime.

Sincerely,
Mel and Guyna