Expert: Mel and Guyna Horne - 5/11/2004

Question
yes this happens to be aserious question, but honesty is what i need, with a little humor wont hurt.  anyway my question is, my husband is a christian, but he doesn't seem to want anything on an outside (not hidden inside) aspect to allow anyone to know or maybe see that he is a christian. He is a wonderful, kindhearted man, and i know that when he is on fire for god he is and awesome father and husband, but that "fire" only lasts for a very short while. I don't know what i can say to him that will encourage him in his faith, and make him understand that the way he lives and acts is very important, especially with little kids involved. the other day we were talking and i was telling him that "we" do things that are "spiritually appauling" and that if we are to live and teach our children we need to start doing things Gods way not ours,and it seemed the more i said anything the angrier he seemed to get.  I made sure i said "we", as not to sound nagging to him,and that is was all him.  in all honesty, it is not just him.but i need him as the head, not the rump.  please advise.  thanks deana

Answer
Hi Dena,

Well, to be honest, have you seen the way many of the so called Christians act?   I wouldn't want anyone to think I was like them either!!   Look at the way many of the "Christian leaders" live their lives....huge estates, limos....million dollar salaries, what kind of example is that to set for others?   Especially when they spend so much time asking for, or at least hinting for money to be sent in for "God's" work.    Since when does God need money, big houses or fancy cars!  What kind of example are they setting!

And how many people do you know that really live God's way?   People that really don't lie, even little white lies, they don't cuss, gossip, and they always put God first in their lives?   

Okay, so maybe that is a bit harsh, but hopefully you get my point.   It isn't necessary to announce to everyone that you are a Christian.   The example you set every hour of every day is what God is interested in.
Do you and your husband lie?   Is money more important to you than God?  Do you and your husband gossip about others?  
Now, here comes the hard part.......................
What kind of example are you setting for your husband?   From what you have written, you have a good husband.  And hopefully you are thankful for him.   If not, get that way. bg   Sometimes, we wives, forget that we should spend more time getting the beam out of our own eye before we try getting the splinter out of our husband's eye!
You can not change someone else.  Even God can't create good character in someone.  Each individual has to want to do this for him/her self.
What you can do is ask God to help you change what needs to be changed in your own life.  Ask Him to show you how to be the best example and the best wife that you can be.   And remember to be patient, with God and with yourself.   Sometimes it takes a while for an individual to figure out what needs to be fixed.
And remember to be cheerful.   A grump isn't a pleasant person to be around and not a good example for others.
Please understand, I'm not saying that it is wrong to say anything to your husband about change, but he will be much more receptive if he has seen the difference that God's spirit is making in your life.   Nor is it wrong to be sad or unhappy.   Just don't make a career out of it.  BG   
Marriage is, or should be, a true partnership.   No heads or rumps!  vbg   Just two people working together to make a whole.    (Eph 5:3)

Ask God for help and then be willing to listen to Him.   It isn't always easy, but it does always work. :D
Thanks for your question and I hope you will forgive me for being slow to respond.  I haven't set a good example.

Guyna
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