Expert: Mel and Guyna Horne - 12/17/2006

Question
Hi Mel and Guyna. You answered a question I had a few weeks ago and I really appreciated your answer. I'm still referring back to it as I try to make changes in my perspective and attitude. This question is rather lengthy and I hope you don't mind. Bear with me here as I talk through an issue in my heart. There are many questions here, some I even answer myself. I hope you can see the issue of my heart through all the questions. Here we go...

Why did God create laws if we can't follow them perfectly? I know... it's to show us we need Him to save us. But then what do we do when we mess up? I know...accept God's grace. But then how come I can't accept it for myself? How do I go from beating myself up and feeling guilty all day for something I did wrong in the morning and letting it totally effect me day...to accepting I made a mistake, confessing, repenting, renouncing excessive guilt and being ok with myself after I mess up and moving on to having a victorious day with a few mistakes in it? Is it just a matter of doing it? How come emotionally I really have difficult time getting there - to a place where after making a mistake, acknowledging it and turning from my sin just being ok with myself. I just dwell in all my negative emotions at that point. Let's take this morning for an example. I'm a stay-at-home mom with two little ones under 3 years old. My hubby is a responsible employee, faithful to his job and comes home almost always on time and spends time with all of us. So, I want to also be a responsible house wife and do my best at home, keeping the house clean and dinner ready, etc. But even though those are my desires, it happens maybe half the time. So, anyway, that's some background. But, this morning, with dishes that need to be hand-washed on the counter from the past few days and our sink plugged up from trying to put too much down the disposal, I decided to take the kids out for breakfast. Guilt #1 - we're on a budget that doesn't allow very often for going out and I knew that my hubby would be happier if we just made breakfast instead of going out, even though I knew he would make allowances since me and the kids hardly ever go out without him. But regardless, I still felt a little guilt for spending money when we're trying to pay off debt. Guilt #2 - McDonalds is not the greatest choice for a nourishing, nutritional, energy-giving meal for the kids or me. This added on a greater sense of guilt and a feeling like I wasn't a good mom or wife...therefore I must not be measuring up to who I need to be. I am disappointed in myself at this point. Which then effects me and I'm not as patient with my kids as I could be and I snip at them and act childish with them and it even hinders me to the point of meeting their needs effectively...and that would be Guilt #3. Then we head off to continue our day and this sense of who I am (not very good at being who I need to be - whoever that is) sticks with me throughout my day, effects my interactions with my husband when he gets home. A lot of the time I look at my past to figure out why I'm doing what I'm doing. My dad expected a lot of me when I was young and there was a harshness in his anger and punishment if I didn't live up to those expectations. The expectations were good...commandments in the Bible...but we didn't have a close relationship and there was hardly any grace to be given if we let him down in those expectations. So now that I'm 25, I have adapted this as my way of life. I don't understand grace for me, grace for my husband, or grace for my kids. I don't know how to give grace. And my hubby says that I don't know how to receive grace...I agree. I don't know how. I just don't get it. If a rule is laid out and compliance is expected, then what with grace? What about consequences? I probably know the words to the answer here, but it just doesn't sink into my heart. The cross is where all of God's wrath was satisfied, right? So, all He has left for us is mercy? Is this right? So do we just get the natural consequences of our actions (i.e. eating McDonalds will not let my body function as best as it could)? But God disciplines those He loves, right? Is that done in anger? Is God angry with me when I don't follow Him? If so then He's always mad at me. This sounds like a dad issue to me. Just because my dad got mad at me for messing up, doesn't mean that God does. I'm constantly trying to follow the Bible, so I can't handle the idea of God being angry with me when I'm trying to follow Him. But this is what I walk around with a lot...this feeling like God is angry with me. I need to just let that go, right? If God's not mad at me when I mess up, then what is He? He's gracious? So maybe His attitude towards His people that are trying to follow Him but mess up is,

  "Ya know Sweetie, you're really trying and your reading My Word and trying to follow it. It's ok that you messed up. Jesus died so you aren't the object of my wrath    any more. Those who don't follow me and aren't mine, those who haven't given me full access to their lives and don't want anything to do with me or my ways...the    sins of those people are the objects of my wrath. If they don't turn to me and follow me with their whole heart, they will receive the punishment that their sins    deserve, which is eternal separation from me. This makes me very sad. But since you've accepted my son, Jesus, (and this makes me very happy, something I    wish more people would do) to be your Saviour, all of your sins in the past, present and the future are covered in His precious blood. They have already been paid    for. My wrath has already been released on your disobedience. Jesus paid the price for your sin. (THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!) This is an eternal price that you    would've had to pay if you hadn't accepted His blood for your payment of your sins. But right now, as you have just gone against me and my ways, You are still    mine. I am still yours. You are still the apple of my eye and I still love you the same as when you're following me as best as you know how. When you're following    me as best as you know how, my love doesn't change for you. I don't love you more when you're doing good and I don't love you less when you don't follow me. I'm    disappointed and sad when you don't follow me. But I'm not disappointed in you. I'm always sad about sin. This is not the world that I created and it's not the world    that it will be after I get my way. My way is perfect. But you, my child, are perfect. I see you through Jesus' blood. With Jesus you are perfect. You need nothing    more and nothing less. As you learn to see yourself the same way, covered in Jesus' blood, you will come to understand that all I want is you. I want your heart,    not your perfection. Perfection was already attained, through Jesus Christ. He is your perfection. You don't have to be striving for perfection every minute of the day,    always trying to figure out what you're doing wrong and how you need to make it right. Why not, you say? Because, as long as I have your heart, as long as I am    the object of your affections, as long as I am your one desire and no other is above me, I can and will do my work in you. I will have my way in you as you are    surrendered to me."

What do you think of that? Is this above paragraph Biblical? Am I missing any parts of God's grace, mercy, justice or any other part of His character? I'm just wondering if I'm blind-sighted in any area, possibly because I'm limiting God to my experience or letting my view of Him be effected by my past pain. I don't want to think of God as angry with me. But I would rather know God's true thoughts about me and His other children than have a distorted view. If this above paragraph is truly how God thinks when I sin, then it makes me feel so free! After writing this, my heart is just bursting at the seems with excitement just thinking about His love for me. But I'm just the type to really want scripture to back it up. I can't just believe it because it sounds good or right. I need to know how God truly thinks of me when I'm not following 100% but am trying with my whole heart as best I can.
So, do I have to super-analyze myself and why I do what I do? Do I have to dwell in my guilt on my problems and what I need to do to change to fix the problem? This is probably a self-work that may be doing some good for a short while, but is doing no long term heart change.
I feel like God is saying, "let me". Let me change your heart. Let me do the work. Let me pour my love into you and so it flows out into other people too.
What do you think of all this? Is my thinking Biblically complete, or not? Take your time in answering me. This took me two days to put together. I'll be happy to recieve a reply when you can.

Answer
Hi Rachel,

Mel and I are going to respond in between what you have written.  One suggestion before you start reading, anytime, anyone gives you information concerning the Bible, including Mel and I, ask God for understanding  and always try to look up all the scriptures to make sure what you are reading is correct.  Lots of people spend years believing what they are told without bothering to look up the scriptures in the Bible to but sure.  The most accurate Bibles to use are the King James, the new King James or the Geneva Bible.  Not all Bibles are the same.  I'm using the New King James here.

You wrote:
Hi Mel and Guyna. You answered a question I had a few weeks ago and I really appreciated your answer. I'm still referring back to it as I try to make changes in my perspective and attitude. This question is rather lengthy and I hope you don't mind. Bear with me here as I talk through an issue in my heart. There are many questions here, some I even answer myself. I hope you can see the issue of my heart through all the questions. Here we go...
Why did God create laws if we can't follow them perfectly? I know... it's to show us we need Him to save us.

G:  We need God, but we don't need saving, but I'm getting ahead of myself.  
Start at the beginning, in Genesis, long before the ten commandments and all the rules that God gave Israel.  God made Adam and then Eve.  God loved them and wanted Adam and Eve to love Him but God couldn't force Adam and Eve to love Him.  God created human beings with the ability to choose and He gave them one rule to follow: Don't touch the tree of life or the tree of knowledge and don't eat the fruit.  (Gen 2 and 3)

God gave Adam and Eve real freedom, the ability to choose who they would love and how they would live their lives.  One very simple and straight forward instruction.  Follow Me and My way of life and live forever.  Easy if you love God and put Him first.

But like Satan, who also made the wrong choice, Adam and Eve rejected God's way and chose to follow Satan.  Satan, who hates God and wants to take His place, talked the first two humans into rejecting God.  From what is indicated in the Bible, it doesn't look like Satan even had to work very hard to get Adam and Eve to reject God and eternal life.  Can you imagine how sad God must have been even through He knew that their incorrect choice was a possibility.

God had to throw the first two people out of their beautiful home, where they wouldn't have had to work hard to live, not because He was mean and vengeful, but because He could no longer trust Adam and Eve.  They had rejected God and His way of life.  (Genesis 3)

And since Adam and Eve chose Satan over God, He told them that they would have to work hard for their food (among other things) and that they would eventually die.  

"For out of it (the ground) you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you shall return."  Genesis 3:19
Adam and Eve chose Satan and death over God and eternal life.  All they had to do was choose God and they refused.  There was absolutely no reason that Adam and Eve couldn't do what God asked them to do, it was easy, and yet they refused.
God gave Adam and Eve the ability to choose and He made the one rule easy.  Adam and Eve have no one to blame but themselves for their stupidity.  No one made them listen to Satan.  They could have called out to God at any time and ask Him to make Satan go away, but instead they chose to listen to Satan.  They made their choice, the wrong choice.

So we don't need saving.  God is still giving us a choice, choose Him and His way of life or choose Satan, selfishness and death.  We are already saved, from the minute that Christ died and was resurrected people have had the choice to follow Christ's example to love God and live His way of life.
It is up to each individual to make the right decision or not.

"I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants my live;"  Deuteronomy 30:19

You wrote:
But then what do we do when we mess up? I know...accept God's grace. But then how come I can't accept it for myself? How do I go from beating myself up and feeling guilty all day for something I did wrong in the morning and letting it totally effect me day...to accepting I made a mistake, confessing, repenting, renouncing excessive guilt and being ok with myself after I mess up and moving on to having a victorious day with a few mistakes in it? Is it just a matter of doing it?

G: You have to define "mess up".  There are two simple rules to follow.  Love God and love everyone else, above what you want, but do not exclude yourself entirely.

"And you shall love the Lord your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.  This is the first commandment.  And the second, like it, is this You shall love your neighbor (brother) as your self."  Mark 12:30-31

As long as you open-heartedly base all your thoughts and actions on putting what God wants first and the needs of everyone else second you do not have to worry about God being unhappy with you.  Okay here comes the "but".  Putting God and everyone else ahead of you does not mean that you should never think of yourself at all.  Even moms need a break occasionally!
Breaking one of these two rules intentionally is a sin.  Accidentally messing up, due to stress or being overly tired is not a sin.  A person shouldn't let making a mistake become a sin by over analyzing and bashing one's self up over a simple mistake.  This is putting time, emotion and energy into a simple mistake and are no longer putting God and others first.  Dwelling on a mistake and blowing it all out of proportion is being selfish and therefore a sin. Nor should one use the excuse "I didn't know" or "It wasn't my fault".  Each individual is responsible for his/her own thoughts and actions.  Wisely managing ones time and resources can prevent one from becoming stressed and overly tired.
God is the One in charge.  He is the only one that has a right to correct and punish someone.  If an individual tries to do His job for Him then that is  putting  oneself above God.
So if a mistake is made, apologize to any humans that may need to hear an apology and let God know that you are thankful for His patience and forgiveness and that the mistake will not be made again.  It is very simple.

You wrote:
How come emotionally I really have difficult time getting there - to a place where after making a mistake, acknowledging it and turning from my sin just being ok with myself. I just dwell in all my negative emotions at that point. Let's take this morning for an example. I'm a stay-at-home mom with two little ones under 3 years old. My hubby is a responsible employee, faithful to his job and comes home almost always on time and spends time with all of us. So, I want to also be a responsible house wife and do my best at home, keeping the house clean and dinner ready, etc. But even though those are my desires, it happens maybe half the time. So, anyway, that's some background. But, this morning, with dishes that need to be hand-washed on the counter from the past few days and our sink plugged up from trying to put too much down the disposal, I decided to take the kids out for breakfast.

G: Most husbands don't mind a little mess as long as they have a happy family and something good to eat on a consistent basis.  I realize that there are exceptions to that statement, but probably not as many as one would think.  Suggestion: read this to your husband and ask him what he thinks.
And taking care of small children can be a full time job without all the housework and everything else that goes along with being a wife and mother.  Learning how to manage your children and your time doesn't come all at once, but it is possible.

Hint:  I taught my son, from the time he was old enough to understand, about one year old, that sometimes mom needed a short break.  I expected him to sit and play quietly, or later he would read, for 10 to 15 minutes.  During this time he couldn't talk to me unless it was an emergency.  Needless to say, when he was very young this took some practice, but not much.  During this time I would either try and get a task finished or sit and read, taking a break for myself.  You might be surprised how well this works and how fast a child can catch on.

"Better is a dinner of herbs (veggies) where love is, than a fatted calf (fancy dinner) with hatred."  Proverbs15:17

You wrote:
Guilt #1 - we're on a budget that doesn't allow very often for going out and I knew that my hubby would be happier if we just made breakfast instead of going out, even though I knew he would make allowances since me and the kids hardly ever go out without him. But regardless, I still felt a little guilt for spending money when we're trying to pay off debt.

G:  If you are really having a bad morning and need a break then there is nothing wrong with buying breakfast instead of fixing it.  It might not be the best choice but only you can decide if the circumstances warrant spending a little extra money occasionally.  No sin here unless you start bashing yourself and making it a sin.
If you really needed to get out of the house and that would be a treat for your children then there isn't a problem.

Suggestion:  If you hate hand washing dishes as much as I do you might consider saving the eating out money for a while and buying a dishwasher.  They are very easy to install, I did it myself.   Also there is a great amount of information on line about installing and repairing appliances.

Mel: Unclogging a disposal is an unpleasant job and one needs to use caution but it can be done with a few simple tools.  Sometimes it can be unclogged from the top using kitchen utensils and then pushing the reset button on the disposal.  If you can get someone to show you how once, then you can save the cost of a plumber for this chore for the rest of your life.

G: If all else fails, buy a dish pan and do the dishes in it and dump the water in the yard.  There has been a time or two that I have even done the dishes outside when we had a plumbing problem.  Not really convenient t but it gets the job done. bg


You wrote:
Guilt #2 - McDonalds is not the greatest choice for a nourishing, nutritional, energy-giving meal for the kids or me. This added on a greater sense of guilt and a feeling like I wasn't a good mom or wife...therefore I must not be measuring up to who I need to be. I am disappointed in myself at this point. Which then effects me and I'm not as patient with my kids as I could be and I snip at them and act childish with them and it even hinders me to the point of meeting their needs effectively...and that would be

G:  If you make the choice to do something, just do it.  And do it cheerfully.  I'm sure you have discovered that if you are unhappy and upset then your children pick up on that and become upset themselves.  There is nothing that upsets a child more than having an unhappy or upset parent.

"A merry heart makes a cheerful countance (face) but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.  Proverbs 15:13


Guilt #3. Then we head off to continue our day and this sense of who I am (not very good at being who I need to be - whoever that is) sticks with me throughout my day, effects my interactions with my husband when he gets home. A lot of the time I look at my past to figure out why I'm doing what I'm doing. My dad expected a lot of me when I was young and there was a harshness in his anger and punishment if I didn't live up to those expectations. The expectations were good...commandments in the Bible...but we didn't have a close relationship and there was hardly any grace to be given if we let him down in those expectations. So now that I'm 25, I have adapted this as my way of life. I don't understand grace for me, grace for my husband, or grace for my kids.

G:  I grew up with an abusive parent, but in my case it was my mother.  I miss my Dad a bunch.  He worked really long hours so he wasn't around a lot, but he was almost always very supportive.
Anyway, I understand what it is like to feel as though you can never do anything right and that a parent is unhappy.  It isn't something that is easy to overcome but it is possible with God's help.
What is most important to remember is that you don't want you own children to grow up with the same baggage that you did.  My son loves my mother, his grandmother, but he can hardly stand to be around her.  She is a very unhappy person because she has chosen to be unhappy.

Don't choose to be unhappy, if you can't do it for yourself do it for your children and your husband.  Remember the things that made you unhappy as a child, ask God to help you understand and change, and then work on changing.  Your children and your husband deserve a happy, cheerful mom and wife.  And God wants you to choose to be happy.

Suggestion:  Make sure you are not suffering from post-partum depression or are dealing with a health issue.  Chemical imbalances in your body can cause physical depression.  It helps some people to keep a log or calendar of their moods to see if there is a cycle of mood swings throughout the day.  Lack of sleep, stress or even sleep disorders can cause mild to severe depression.  Ask God to help you understand whether you have a physical problem and ask Him to help you solve it.  I have seen God heal someone over a period of time or even instantly.

Mel:  Don't project your parents' shortcomings onto God. God is a patient, loving and forgiving Father for all those who love him. It is only those who refuse to respond positively to him that need to fear him.

You wrote:
I don't know how to give grace. And my hubby says that I don't know how to receive grace...I agree. I don't know how. I just don't get it. If a rule is laid out and compliance is expected, then what with grace? What about consequences? I probably know the words to the answer here, but it just doesn't sink into my heart. The cross is where all of God's wrath was satisfied, right? So, all He has left for us is mercy? Is this right? So do we just get the natural consequences of our actions (i.e. eating McDonalds will not let my body function as best as it could)? But God disciplines those He loves, right? Is that done in anger? Is God angry with me when I don't follow Him? If so then He's always mad at me. This sounds like a dad issue to me. Just because my dad got mad at me for messing up, doesn't mean that God does. I'm constantly trying to follow the Bible, so I can't handle the idea of God being angry with me when I'm trying to follow Him. But this is what I walk around with a lot...this feeling like God is angry with me. I need to just let that go, right? If God's not mad at me when I mess up, then what is He? He's gracious? So maybe His attitude towards His people that are trying to follow Him but mess up is,

G:  Remember there are only two rules that you need to follow.  Love God and love everyone else.  Loving God means doing what is right because you really, really want too.  You want more than anything else to make sure God understands that you are doing what is right because you want to please God.  This doesn't mean that you do what is right so God will be happy with you and bless you, although if your heart is sincere, He will often send a blessing your way.  Your human dad may not have known the best way to be a great dad but there is no doubt that God will love you if you allow Him too and that He knows what is best for you.
Loving others means living by Christ's example and being a perfect (complete) example to others.  This does not happen overnight, it takes time to learn to be like God and Christ.  This is our ultimate goal, the reason we are on the earth.  Very simple.

You wrote:
"Ya know Sweetie, you're really trying and your reading My Word and trying to follow it.

G:  Are you really trying?  Have you asked God to show you what you need to change about yourself?  Might want to remember to ask God to show you gradually and not all at once. :)

You wrote:
It's ok that you messed up. Jesus died so you aren't the object of my wrath any more.

G:  No it isn't okay that you "messed up".  In the beginning God created Christ with the same powers that He, God, has.  Christ willingly gave up being like God to become a human being on earth so that he could be born, live and die without ever sinning.  Christ's willingness to do this was an example for us, to prove to each and every human being that has been born since then that it is possible to live a sinless life.
When an adult repents and is baptized, immersed under water completely, he/she is, at that moment, completely sinless.  Christ died so that each individual can have the blessing of being able to repent, be baptized, and have a permanent place in God's family.  To have a new birth, a new beginning. To be allowed to have God's spirit in them as the human Christ did.

"...Repent, and let every one of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ, for the remission of sins; and that you receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.  (God's Spirit)  Acts 2:38

You wrote:
Those who don't follow me and aren't mine, those who haven't given me full access to their lives and don't want anything to do with me or my ways...the sins of those people are the objects of my wrath. If they don't turn to me and follow me with their whole heart, they will receive the punishment that their sins deserve, which is eternal separation from me. This makes me very sad. But since you've accepted my son, Jesus, (and this makes me very happy, something I wish more people would do) to be your Savior, all of your sins in the past, present and the future are covered in His precious blood. They have already been paid for. My wrath has already been released on your disobedience. Jesus paid the price for your sin.

G:  All an individuals sins are erased when one is baptized.  Sin that occurs after this point will have to be answered for either immediately or eventually.  An individual can't repent, be baptized and then go back and be baptized again and expect Christ's sacrifice to cover the new sins.
"For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted the heavenly gift (God's Spirit) and have become partakers of the Holy Spirit, and have tasted (believed and been blessed) the good word of God and the powers of the age to come, if they fall away, (sin and reject God) to renew them again to repentance, since they crucify again for themselves the Son of God, and put Him to an open shame. (His crucifixion)  For the earth which drinks in the rain that often comes upon it, and bears herbs useful for those by whom it is cultivated, receives blessing from God; but if it bears thorns and briers, it is rejected and near to being cursed, whose end is to be burned."  Hebrews 6:4-8

It is wrong to assume that sins, from the point of repentance and baptism forward are also covered under Christ's sacrifice and death.  

"For the Father judges no one, but has committed all judgment to the Son, that all should honor the Son just as they honor the Father.  He who does not honor the Son does not honor the Father that sent Him."  John 5:22-23

After this repentance and baptism we are responsible for all our actions.  Each individual has to spiritually and sometimes physically answer for all the sin committed after this point.  
This is where God's amazing patience comes in.  If we sin, either accidentally or on purpose, we have the option of going to God, repenting and asking for His forgiveness.  Providing that we are sincere in our repentance God will forgive us.

"For if we sin willfully after we have received the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a certain fearful expectation of judgment,.......Of how much worse punishment, do you suppose, will he be thought worthy who has trampled the Son of God underfoot, counted the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified a common thing, and insulted the Spirit of Grace?"  Hebrews 10:26-29

Remember the two rules, love God and love others.  God's treatment of us is based on how we treat Him and how we treat others.
If we are quickly willing to forgive someone that has done something wrong, then God is going to be much more likely to hear our repentance and offer forgiveness.

"Take heed to yourselves.  If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.  And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you saying, I repent, you will forgive him.  Luke 17:3-4

God loves everyone.  There is no one that He doesn't love.  He may hate their attitude, their actions, their selfishness, and their lack of love but He still loves the individual.  Even the individuals that have God's understanding and His Spirit and rejected it.
Those of us that choose God and His way of life are already part of His family.    

You wrote:
(THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!) This is an eternal price that you would've had to pay if you hadn't accepted His blood for your payment of your sins.

G: There is no eternal, on-going, price to pay for rejecting God.  No burning in hell forever. There is only the lake of fire and instant death, no longer in existence, burned up completely. The death is eternal, but not the pain.
"And anyone not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire." Revelation 20:15

M: This may be a digression from your questions, but the concept that God will simultaneously operate a "heaven" and a "torture chamber" for all eternity causes difficulty for some to even believe in God at all.  It also causes problems for many in understanding the true nature of God and what he expects of us.
Some believe in and teach that there is an ever-burning hell where the unrepentant will be tortured forever, based on a few selected scriptures.  There are more than a few scriptures which contradict this concept.  A God and a Savior whose commandments are based on "love" are a contradiction to the concept of eternal (forever, without end) torture as punishment for sins committed during a brief human lifespan.  If you have questions about this subject we can address them as a separate question.

You wrote:
But right now, as you have just gone against me and my ways, You are still mine. I am still yours. You are still the apple of my eye and I still love you the same as when you're following me as best as you know how. When you're following me as best as you know how, my love doesn't change for you. I don't love you more when you're doing good and I don't love you less when you don't follow me. I'm disappointed and sad when you don't follow me. But I'm not disappointed in you. I'm always sad about sin.
This is not the world that I created and it's not the world that it will be after I get my way. My way is perfect.

G:  God's way is perfect.  God created the world without sin and complete.  It is humans that have repeatedly rejected God and His way of life.   From the beginning God gave men and women the freedom to choose between life and death, God's way or the way of selfishness promoted by Satan.  Sadly, man has not needed much help from Satan to make a mess that only God will be able to correct.
Most humans value money, greed, selfishness, power and things more than they value life, real love, and family.  

You wrote:
But you, my child, are perfect. I see you through Jesus' blood. With Jesus you are perfect. You need nothing more and nothing less. As you learn to see yourself the same way, covered in Jesus' blood, you will come to understand that all I want is you. I want your heart, not your perfection. Perfection was already attained, through Jesus Christ. He is your perfection. You don't have to be striving for perfection every minute of the day, always trying to figure out what you're doing wrong and how you need to make it right. Why not, you say? Because, as long as I have your heart, as long as I am the object of your affections, as long as I am your one desire and no other is above me, I can and will do my work in you. I will have my way in you as you are surrendered to me."

No Rachel, you are not perfect yet.  You are asking the right questions and appear to be headed in the right direction, but God does not think you are perfect.  With repentance, wisdom and God's forgiveness there is no reason that you can't become perfect.  Perfect in the Bible refers to being complete.  Learning to be like God, becoming sinless.  Christ did it so we know that it is possible.  We can also become complete, to live without sin.
You do have to strive toward this goal every minute of every day.  We do this by the way we live our lives, the examples we set for others.  By living God's way of life and setting the right example we are showing others that perfection is possible.  
We can't use the excuse that it isn't possible to become perfect, or that this isn't what God expects of us.  If we do then we are putting ourselves before God and before others.  We are breaking the two rules that God and Christ gave us.  This is not acceptable to God.

Speaking from experience, God does get angry with us.  But as long as we talk to Him and demand to know what we need to do to change in order to be more like Him, always being ready to repent, then He will always be willing to forgive us.  As long as we do not reject Him and his Spirit then we do not have to worry about not being part of God's family.
God wants to know that we love Him.  He wants us to prove to Him that He can trust us, that we are trustworthy, period.  He wants children that love and trust Him.  He wants children that are going to be wonderful examples to others, to teach others by setting the right example.  By living God's way of life.

You wrote:
What do you think of that? Is this above paragraph Biblical? Am I missing any parts of God's grace, mercy, justice or any other part of His character? I'm just wondering if I'm blind-sighted in any area, possibly because I'm limiting God to my experience or letting my view of Him be effected by my past pain.

G: Regrettably, we all tend to limit God in one way or another.  Frustrated with His disciples and their lack of faith, Christ told them that they only need to have the amount of faith the size of a mustard seed to move a mountain.  Matthew 17:20
Proverbs is full of wonderful scriptures encouraging us to ask God for wisdom and understanding.  God gives His spirit to those that ask, providing their hearts are in the right place.  We have to have faith enough to ask God for what we need and expect to get it.

You wrote:
I don't want to think of God as angry with me.

G:  Most people don't want that.  But since God is so amazing, He has given us the opportunity and ability to convince Him that we love Him and want His forgiveness.

You wrote:
But I would rather know God's true thoughts about me and His other children than have a distorted view.

G:  Good attitude.  Now tell God.  Tell Him that you want to change, to grow as a person, to learn to be like Him.

You wrote:
If this above paragraph is truly how God thinks when I sin, then it makes me feel so free! After writing this, my heart is just bursting at the seems with excitement just thinking about His love for me. But I'm just the type to really want scripture to back it up. I can't just believe it because it sounds good or right.

G:  Okay, don't get discouraged.  Rachel, you have a bunch of work to do (as we all do)  Just remember that you don't have to do it all at once.  Although if you are like some of us, you begin to listen to God, to understand and learn and you get in a hurry.  Don't try to change everything all at once.  Talk to God and ask for help.  Ask Him to show you what you need to learn first.  Make a list if that helps you.
This may not be easy for you.  God's truth and His way of life are different from what most of the man-made religions believe.  And it takes work to learn and understand.

M:  If everyone correctly understood what God is saying in scripture, then there would not currently be over 38,000 "christian" denominations, mutually contradicting and condemning each other.  God does offer us "freedom" from sin, but not in the way that some believe.  Some borrow from psychiatric doctrine and think that a single mental decision to somehow "accept Christ" means that we can continue to sin, but we no  longer have to feel guilty about it.  The freedom comes with the repentance, which means that when we make conscious decisions, they are based on showing love toward God and toward others. The freedom comes with the forgiveness which God promises when we forgive others who sin against us.  The joy comes with the knowledge that God is on our side and wants us to succeed. The joy comes when we are aware of our being in God's presence continually (not just on Sunday,the first day of the week, or when praying) and that we are in his presence without any unrepented sins, in other words, guiltless.

You wrote:
I need to know how God truly thinks of me when I'm not following 100% but am trying with my whole heart as best I can.

G:  Remember that God will not ask more of you than you can manage.  It is wonderful that you are willing to ask God what you need to do.

"No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you will be able to bear it."  I Corinthians 10:13

You wrote:
So, do I have to super-analyze myself and why I do what I do?

G: Yes, you do.  But not without God's help.  Ask God for forgiveness.  Ask Him to show you what you need to change and how to do it.  Remember that you do not have to change all at once.  Ask god for wisdom and understanding and then be willing to listen.  God will help if He knows you are serious.  And be patient!

You wrote:
Do I have to dwell in my guilt on my problems and what I need to do to change to fix the problem? This is probably a self-work that may be doing some good for a short while, but is doing no long term heart change.

G: What God is looking for is permanent and long-term, as in forever change.  Parental baggage is difficult to overcome and get rid of, but it is do-able.  Just remember how you felt as a child and decide that you do not want your children to grow up with the same feelings.  Think about how you want God to treat you and then treat your family the same way.  Again, be patient.  This takes work and it can take time too.

You wrote:
I feel like God is saying, "let me". Let me change your heart. Let me do the work. Let me pour my love into you and so it flows out into other people too.
What do you think of all this? Is my thinking Biblically complete, or not? Take your time in answering me. This took me two days to put together. I'll be happy to receive a reply when you can.

G:  Sounds like God is trying to get your attention, so be willing to listen to Him.  It is amazing to know that God is actually listening to you and that He really does care!  You have lots of work to do, but the reward is worth all the work.
Real peace comes from God.  Peace comes from asking for help and being willing to listen to Him.  Peace comes from asking God for wisdom and understanding.  God's peace lowers your stress levels, gets rid of baggage, and helps you to be calm and happy.  Ask God for help, listen to Him and be patient.  He will hear you providing you are willing to change and learn to be like Him. Choose God and life!

".......I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants my live; that you may love the Lord your God, that you may obey His voice, and that you may cling to Him, for He is your life and the length of your days......" Deuteronomy 30:19-20

"By faith we understand that the world (ages - centuries) were framed by the word of God........ Hebrews 11:3

Please know that we are always here to answer questions at any time.
Guyna and Mel