Expert: Dr. Jay Forrest - 2/9/2009

Question
Dr. Forrest,

First off I wish to apologize because I don’t think that my question is directly associated with CM, however I Consider my self as a "follow" of this particular path, so I though it would be best to get C Mystics prospective.

Ok, first off I "used" to be on fire for God; however it seemed as if my life began taking a turn for the worst. I somehow in my mind came to the conclusion that Christianity was to smothering for me and constricted me and I began to fall away. At first I really didn’t notice anything until it was too late and I was just like "well I don’t care, I want to do my own thing" Now I think I have gotten to a point where I am having extreme trouble turning back to Christ. It is as Paul mentioned, "He knows to do good, but continues to do bad" Every time I think about what I am doing, knowing it is wrong, but I don’t care at the time, it is only after I get through with the sin that I realize that something is seriously wrong.

And a note that every time that attempt to get back on the straight and narrow, I slip off the trail without even knowing I did it. I am at a complete loss on how to handle the situation. I have never been in a situation like this. I have always has some great interested in theological subjects especially Christianity, but now I don’t care. To be honest my mind is too focused on trying to get a girlfriend. However the messed up part about it is that I know that focusing on God would help me on that quest, but I convince myself that I want to do it on my self. If you need further information that might better assist you in assisting me I can provide that. But any advice would greatly be appreciated. Thank you

Answer
Hi Chris,

I understand your struggle. Unfortunately I can't give your a theological answer. It sounds like a dark night of the soul. This is a period where God seems far away and temptation close by your side. The breakthrough is not something that can be manufactured or induced. It is an experience to be lived through, not a thing to be escaped. There is no magic bullet... just grace. We have to face our demons and realize just how selfish we are. Even out interest in God is not our own doing. Without the grace of God you would never had been interested in the things of God in the first place. Jesus said that no one came come to him unless the Father draw him.

I have been a Christian for many years (since 1983) and I have found that my walk goes in cycles, with high mountains and low valleys. Sometimes we need to die a deeper death to self. At other times we need to unlearn things that the church has taught us. I was very narrow minded when I was first a Christian. I have learned that truth is bigger than any church or religion.

And just a little advice about the girlfriend thing. Until you can live alone and be happy, you are not really ready to be with another person. Two half people do not make a whole. Do not look for happiness from a woman, if you do you will find nothing but heartache. Discover your destiny and follow it. Never give a woman first place, that belongs to God alone.

Your brother in Christ,

Jay Forrest
jnf@addr.com